Brakes and drama
Nov. 16th, 2006 09:50 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
featherynscaleGlory effing hallelujah, I have brakes that work again. ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
opaljax came over with tools, and we did stand out in the bitter cold for far longer than one would think, and now I have nice new ceramic pads, and opaljax has a nice bottle of polish vodka, and all is right with the world.
There's behind-the-scenes drama, though, there always is. Mom called yesterday while I was on the way to the auto parts store, and I foolishly divulged that the car was in need of repair, and that I and a friend were going to do said repairs. Mom was wary of this, but willing to allow it to pass. However, Grandma was not. Some time while Jax and I were actually working on the problem last night, Grandma called and left a plaintive message expressing that she would send me money to get my brakes fixed, and that under no circumstances should I, or any other person with a vagina, ever work on a car.
I didn't get the voicemail until this morning, so, dutifully, and also stupidly, I called her to say that the job was already done and she didn't need to worry about it. She informed me that even though it might seem like a simple job, there was no way that it actually could be simple, that I probably only thought it was simple because I couldn't understand it, and in any case I would ruin my health doing these things. She then launched into a twenty minute exhortation to the Lord God of the Israelites to make it so I would have to move back to the Family Homestead where I could be properly taken care of. Creeped me right out.
And she'll probably send me the money anyway. I have made a habit of sending donations in the amount of her gifts to organizations like Planned Parenthood, or HRC, or PFLAG, and that sort of thing. That's probably a violation of some sort of hospitality rule, but it makes me feel a lot better.
opaljax came over with tools, and we did stand out in the bitter cold for far longer than one would think, and now I have nice new ceramic pads, and opaljax has a nice bottle of polish vodka, and all is right with the world.There's behind-the-scenes drama, though, there always is. Mom called yesterday while I was on the way to the auto parts store, and I foolishly divulged that the car was in need of repair, and that I and a friend were going to do said repairs. Mom was wary of this, but willing to allow it to pass. However, Grandma was not. Some time while Jax and I were actually working on the problem last night, Grandma called and left a plaintive message expressing that she would send me money to get my brakes fixed, and that under no circumstances should I, or any other person with a vagina, ever work on a car.
I didn't get the voicemail until this morning, so, dutifully, and also stupidly, I called her to say that the job was already done and she didn't need to worry about it. She informed me that even though it might seem like a simple job, there was no way that it actually could be simple, that I probably only thought it was simple because I couldn't understand it, and in any case I would ruin my health doing these things. She then launched into a twenty minute exhortation to the Lord God of the Israelites to make it so I would have to move back to the Family Homestead where I could be properly taken care of. Creeped me right out.
And she'll probably send me the money anyway. I have made a habit of sending donations in the amount of her gifts to organizations like Planned Parenthood, or HRC, or PFLAG, and that sort of thing. That's probably a violation of some sort of hospitality rule, but it makes me feel a lot better.
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no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 03:59 pm (UTC)Yeah.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:04 pm (UTC)(Worst thing is, my great-grandmother went the same kind of crazy in her declining years, all "oh Jesus, oh Lord, Lord's gonna do His work" all the time. I'm watching Mom really close as she gets older. If this is some sort of genetic thing, and I'm gonna be sitting in my rocking chair at 75 raising my hands and praising Eris every seventeen seconds... I don't know what I might do.)
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:08 pm (UTC)I can truly say it may be the medicine talking... this was probably funnier than it should be were I not medicated... :-)
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA! And you are right about the Springer effect. I wonder also if it has to do with the fact that your fam is in FL.
I am interested to see what shakes out at Thanksgiving this year after coming out to Mother. I don't know who she has or hasn't told...
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:13 pm (UTC)Also, your Thanksgiving sounds like it could be pretty exciting.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:36 pm (UTC)The Troll, aka Grandma, has not yet gotten to this stage of evangelism but it doesn't appear far off. My mother's family is like that. They have been trying to convert mother for years. She finally got my Grandfather to step in and get them to leave mother alone. They are the only Catholics left of the family (even though they all grew up Catholic, mother is the only child who stayed with it).
Grandma didn't start Catholic, converted then left after she and a priest disagreed about (of all things) D&D. He said there was nothing wrong with it and had even played with the High School students that the Troll was teaching and she didn't like that at all. After she left, it was really the go ahead for the rest of the kids to leave the church and go somewhere else.
So where did they go? Non-denominational Zionist churches... hehehehehe too fun.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:10 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 04:25 pm (UTC)This would be why both of us moved halfway+ across the country from the respective insane people.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 08:50 pm (UTC)Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 04:28 pm (UTC)Re: Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 04:35 pm (UTC)Re: Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 04:38 pm (UTC)Re: Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 05:45 pm (UTC)Re: Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 06:00 pm (UTC)Re: Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 08:11 pm (UTC)Here's another thing - we always had a hard time getting fixed in KC (where local law protects "the people" from our own stupidity that we might later reget). But in Colorado, if you wanted to get tubes tied, gender changed, or just boobs to go along with your man meat for recreational purposes, there was little interference.
Re: Repeat after me...
Date: 2006-11-16 08:22 pm (UTC)Grandma's living in her own private Idaho
Date: 2006-11-16 04:33 pm (UTC)Re: Grandma's living in her own private Idaho
Date: 2006-11-16 04:37 pm (UTC)Not your grandmother's Vagina, any more. ;-)
Date: 2006-11-16 05:12 pm (UTC)My mother does the opposite, if you be a boy, and you cook, or sew, or Oh Gods, do laundry, then you must be gay!. Of course she is the died in the wool Catholic, who told me , that "They" got it all wrong, There was a Goddess, she slept with Lucifer, and that is the real reason God said, "Lucifer, you can go to Hell!" Of course my Mother is God's third major girlfriend. The other two were Mary, and Annum,. from Chinese mythology. ;-)
Perhaps you should find the HBO taping of Whoopee’s, last stand up. Or the one woman show called "Vagina" to help grandma understand, The vagina can do more than a sperm repository and baby exit, these days?
Re: Not your grandmother's Vagina, any more. ;-)
Date: 2006-11-16 05:19 pm (UTC)Also, my vagina is not an exit door, particularly. (Let's see how many times I can say vagina today!)
vagina pride
Date: 2006-11-16 07:46 pm (UTC)my mom is still kinda oimpressed I can drive an manaul transmission and don't wrap tampons in five inches of tissue paper when disposing of them.
(actually i do now. Scott was a pagan boy and i didn't mind him seeing my Wise Blood. Aaron is not pagan, so my first thought waas 'gotta be more discreet about the Sacred Inconvenience now.' isn't that too weird?)
hey, I saw a great picture of that damn Arkansas family with 17 children and the captionwas "A vagina is not a clown car." I think 'uterus' is more accurate, and certainly funnier to say (try it now), but there's something that really freaks me about my vagina as an exit door.
Re: vagina pride
Date: 2006-11-16 08:14 pm (UTC)That is pretty weird. I figure if you're going to go looking in the trash, you deserve to find whatever's in there.
Re: vagina pride
Date: 2006-11-16 09:49 pm (UTC)Re: vagina pride
Date: 2006-11-16 09:54 pm (UTC)I am very big on the concept of keeping out of the trash. Damned unsanitary.
Emptying the trash.
Date: 2006-11-16 10:05 pm (UTC)Then again, having been Raised By Lesbians(TM), I don't think used tampons are that icky. *shrug*
Re: Raised By Lesbians(TM)
Date: 2006-11-16 11:34 pm (UTC)Re: Raised By Lesbians(TM)
Date: 2006-11-16 11:39 pm (UTC)The challenge would be to somehow depict this scene within 100x100 pixels.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 05:24 pm (UTC)Okay, maybe not. I already have my share of annoying relatives.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 06:24 pm (UTC)It certainly puts my relationship with my brother in a much different perspective.
no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 07:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-16 08:11 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-17 04:08 am (UTC)Yikes!
Date: 2006-11-16 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-11-17 09:17 am (UTC)I love what you do with her gifts.