This is the worst thing I have ever posted on LiveJournal.

[featherynscale]

I dedicate this entry to labstar, who wanted more sex and less politics on LJ today.

niveus_tigris and I are going to write a romance novel about demonic possession. It's a story that pretty much writes itself, but in order to do this thing the right way, I think we're going to need some input from the VURD. Here's how you can help:

Please comment with a euphemism for genitalia of any flavor.

Archaeologists ten centuries from now will determine that this was a bad idea.

Comments

[lexpendragon.livejournal.com]

The dog's waffles.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

You mean like, "His purple helmeted warrior standing proudly at attention, ready to breach her honeyed walls?"

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Exactly like that. :)

[catvincent.livejournal.com]

My all-time fave sentence like that comes from an old episode of, of all things, MacMillan and Wife. (Yes, I'm old.) It still has my vote for the rudest line in American TV history - it quotes from a murdered bodice-ripper writer's book and the line goes;
"Her bosom heaved as he found silken confinement."
Still gets me hot.

And of course if you want more technical thoughts re. possession and sexual elements of such, give me a shout.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Excellent! It's always good to have an expert at one's disposal. :)

[lightonthesill.livejournal.com]

Not exactly what you are asking for...but this begs to be included. Back when Miss Sally and I spoke of having a Vaudvillian Tease Show, we were going to call ourselves Tigi and Nunu (prounounced newnew) the Great Punani Sisters. (Tigi and Nunu were our respective nicknames for our own bits)

::feathered fan wave and curtsy::

[kissmythistle.livejournal.com]

Meat and two veg
Wedding tackle
John Thomas

My, I'm feeling awfully British today. Not sure what's up with that....

[lordkalkin.livejournal.com]

One of my English professors used to like "secrets of nature" as in "full frontal secrets of nature"

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Have you heard "pet names for genetalia" it's a parody of "we didn't light the fire"

some from the song

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Pocket rocket
Hairy hot dog

Hanging johnny
ankle spanker (obviously named by a dreamer LOL)

Heat seaking moisture missile

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

cornicopia of mojo-slurping bliss
daintily scented flesh petals
quivering tunnel of shove

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

Orgasmatron!

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

http://www.djearworm.lunarpages.com/Dont_Mess_with_Orgasmatron.mp3

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Really? This archaeologist thinks it's rather funny, actually.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Just wait. When a copy of "Summoned, Sealed, and Seduced" is on the nightstand of every bored housespouse in seven countries, who will be laughing then? :-P

[zylch.livejournal.com]

Me, probably, somewhere around chapter 7.

The pre-writing process...

[niveus-tigris.livejournal.com]

...is polling for genetalia euphemisms? Wow. I'm stunned.

Strangely, I have an old story concept that this could easily be book two of. Not sure if I told you about 'The Guardians of the Abyss', which is about a bookstore owner who unwittingly becomes a demon hunter...good stuff, but not what you might expect.

Hmmm.

Re: The pre-writing process...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I wouldn't so much call it a process, Bob.

Seriously, let's talk it over. It'll be wretched. Like NaNoWriMo, but collaborative, and awful.

Re: The pre-writing process...

[niveus-tigris.livejournal.com]

I want to call ours the NiGriWriDi, short for the Nitty Gritty Writey Ditty.

Or something. Hey, that makes me think of Nion on the Perilous, and I meant to ask if you wanted to have malinear as your Navigator's Mate? Her pirate character's name is (something) Randall McNally, which I found to be very funny while drunk.

Let me know! I'm just chock full o' bad ideas...

Re: The pre-writing process...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I think kittenpants is already our cartographer. You keep giving away my people's jobs! Mutiny! :-P

Re: The pre-writing process...

[niveus-tigris.livejournal.com]

A Mate is not a Cartographer (okay, yours might be). A mate holds your sextant for you when you need them to.

Wow...that sounded dirty. Hmmm.

Kitten would be our map-maker, not the same as a Navigator's Mate.

Oh, and we'll have no mutiny here! It'll be fun or nothing!

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

There should be a rule against multiple commenters using icons with the exact same base picture within the comments of a single entry.

It makes my brain skip.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Awww man... don't make me give up my pirate icon!

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

Nah, yours should take priority here, his should take priority in his journal, and whichever one of you uses it first in other journals gets the right of way.

That's fair, right?

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Except that "The Perilous" is the virtual pirate ship that niveus_tigris captains, which uses her chaos flag on donation, so "right of way" is a little sketchy. Hence the modified icon with the ship name...

off topic

[brandy22kc.livejournal.com]

the second song is ....Brisk & Trixxy-"Eye Opener"

Re: off topic

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Oh, excellent! That means there could be a track listing available this very evening. Thank you for all your help on this one -- it wouldn't have gone nearly so well without you.

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

Gladys Speigelman.

(from Vagina Monologues)

You did say "flavor."

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

peppermint stick

Oh, I could do this all night, babe.

[infintysquared.livejournal.com]

His whang-doodler with a half-lit electric accordion
Her gaping chasm which shall devour the souls of men via the urethra
His Tom 'n Jerries?
Her well-lubricated passageways
His blunderbuss of ecstasy
Her downy-feathered nest of spicery
His rather friendly gentleman's equipment
Her pocket when she's wearing a skirt
His tender organ which thrives from compliments and wilts from girlish laughter
Her never-you-mind
His John Thomas!

Re: Oh, I could do this all night, babe.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

The urethra one is out, but the rest are all right. Well done, sir.

Re: Oh, I could do this all night, babe.

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

+1... if anything is going to devour my soul, surely it should be a gaping cervix, drawn in by fallopian tentacles and immobilised by a shambling pubic mound.

The urethra though? That's more like something to be used in a secret escape plan. 8-)

[kittenpants.livejournal.com]

Questionable Content used this one the other day, and it had me giggling for longer than reasonable: mantenna array

[themightykhan84.livejournal.com]

First, haiku.

Twat, Box, Taco, Cunt,
Cooter, Cooch, Moose Knuckle, Poon,
Pussy, Vagina

Penis, Pecker, Prick,
Cock, Rod, Johnson, Manhood, Dick,
One-Eyed Trouser Snake

I could assail you with endless crude penile and vaginal noms de plume, but tasteful literary genital metaphors? here's a few off the top of my head

"His piston thrust back and forth as their love grew louder and louder."
"He explored the mound between her knees, and found it cleaved, and covered with trees."
"Her open blossom began to quiver as it hugged his throbbing member."
"His rockstar grew impatient, and demanded access to her backstage."