300

[featherynscale]

kittenpants, orcjohn, triadruid and I managed to see 300 last night. For the entire length of the movie, three of us sat there like Beavis and Butthead; "This is the coolest thing I have ever seen. huh-huh, huh-huh". Apparently, the thing was too comic-bookish for triadruid's tastes, and he was disappointed. The rest of us reveled in that.

Beautiful art direction, brilliant action sequences, explosions (the Persians had some black-powder bombs, which I'm not sure are correct to the period, but so what?), nice looking men, an excessively hot queen, revenge, glorious doomed gestures, and a rhinoceros. What's better than that? (Well, it would have been better if the captain's son and the blond Spartan he kept bantering with had actually had sex, instead of merely flirting, but that's apparently too much to ask for.)

The Persians were, on the whole, ridiculous. When I eventually grasped that the story was being told afterwards by a soldier to the council, it made a little more sense. I mean, that's what you'd say, right? "There were six million of them! They were monstrous and deformed, and came riding strange beasts. Giants walked among them. Xerxes himself must have been 12 feet tall, and advanced upon us on a golden throne borne by thirty thousand slaves..." All it lacked was the requisite introduction: "No shit, there I was...."

The big question in everyone's mind after the film (other than "Why is it okay to show that much blood and gore and corpses and naked women and transsexual amputees and all that, and you still get an R rating, but if you show a penis, it's NC-17?" and "Why did the Spartans call the Athenians boy-lovers?" and "Why no soldier-on-soldier sex, dammit?") was this:
At that tech level, how do you get a rhinoceros on a boat, *keep* the rhinoceros on the boat, and keep the boat seaworthy, i.e. with no holes in it from rampaging rhinoceros? Discuss.

Comments

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I was going to make my own post, but you beat me to it so I suppose I'll just reply here.

I've never read the Frank Miller graphic novel. Frankly, I'd have been MORE impressed if the story could have been told from within the claustrophobic confines of the Phalanx and the Hot Gates, but that's not Zack Snyder's style. Having Leonidas give a lesson on the inpenetrability of the phalanx and then burst out into an orgy of acrobatic supersoldiering rang false to me. A thousand men probably DID hold that pass for three days, and that is what I wanted to see. Not a bunch of slow-motion CGI and dramatic lighting.

Gorgo's outfits (she was the only female of record in the film) were ludicrous. Leonidas' inconsistency in how he related with his family was painful to watch, not because they shifted but because they shifted in unnatural, cartoonish ways. Gerard Butler chewed scenery like a dying man. There was no reason for Ephialtes to be a hunchback, especially of that exaggerated extent.

Delios was good; I always enjoy his performances. Theron (he's got a goatee, that's how you know he's the evil one) was absurd and awful. A politician should have been much better spoken.

Furthermore, the complete lack of penis was a vast disappointment. Greek red-figure pottery, hello????

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Eh. I am with you on the fact that the fighting style was not what the man described as the strength and valor of his soldiers, but, on the other hand, more phalanx time would have required the film to have more plot, being as it's not real exciting to watch. Plot was not really the strong suit, here. Presumably the Spartans were the good guys, in that they talked a lot about freedom, and presumably the Persians were the bad guys, because they were weird looking, but really, the story is about a big eff-off fight. And it's a lot more visually interesting to have them fighting all crazy than to have them fighting in a historically accurate and reasonable way.

Same again with the hunchback. There was no reason for it, except that it made it blindingly obvious that he wasn't going to fit into the Spartan Superman Army. Again, I think it's a choice made for more visual interest.

The goatee Spartan was not terribly impressive, so I am with you there. The outfits of the queen, yes, stupid, but that wasn't particularly offensive to me. Everybody seemed to be dressed to show off whatever it was that they wanted to have the character show off. It's really shallow, but again, comic book about big fight. I'm not coming into that looking for depth.

Gerard Butler chewed scenery like a dying man. Yes, and wasn't that the point?

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but he started long before he was ever in danger. ;)

Also and unrelated, can you change the title of the boardgames.meetup to not-February? I just posted about it in kansascity.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

For you, I do this thing.

[chronarchy.livejournal.com]

"A thousand men probably DID hold that pass for three days, and that is what I wanted to see"

triadruid, you need to rent the movie "The 300 Spartans" from 1961 (or maybe '62?).

Of course, the phalanx formation in that movie leaves a lot to be desired, but at least the script follows closer to the historical "truth" of what happened.

Just ignore the bad romantic sub-plot that's only slightly less wooden and ridiculous than Anikan/Padme, and I think you'll like the movie.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll keep my eye open for it!

[zylch.livejournal.com]

A thousand men probably DID hold that pass for three days, and that is what I wanted to see.

Look out, or you'll start to sound like me...

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

In the hypothetical post I had composed in my head about the film, I included an explicit warning to you, sis.

[kellan-m-solan.livejournal.com]

I'm kinda with triadruid on this one, which is why I haven't seen the movie (though I probably will now). I don't have anything against "movies just for fun." In fact I think they are often the best kind simply because they don't take themselves too seriously (unlike say, most Hollywood flicks which have their own head awfully far up their ass). But it might be a sad commentary on our society that there is ONLY the "movie for fun, comic book version." There has never been a decent movie made about this historical event (edit: at least since 1962, apparently). Which of all historical events, probably lends itself to a little big screen heroism better than most. I would much prefer my escapism in this instance to come from a little romanticism about heroism and sacrifice and defying great odds than from mutants, giants, and wu shu.

Also, if memory serves there were something like 7000 Greeks plus a decent sized navy up until the last day when it was the Spartans and 700-1000 Thespians. So they held the pass alone for a few hours (if you consider being attacked from both sides, holding).

[zylch.livejournal.com]

700-1000 Thespians

::coffeespew:: sorry, I just had the image of 1000 hoplites miming the Battle of Thermopylae.

[kellan-m-solan.livejournal.com]

lol... meh, damn Thespis of Icaria and his etymological influence.

Men of Thespiae perhaps?

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I'd pay good money to see that.