Indulge my vulgar curiosity, if you would...

[featherynscale]

I will be the first to admit that my grasp of the rules about socialization, and especially those about romantic/sexual/marital relationships is not very solid. So I was hoping that you lot could give me some sort of feeling for the question in my brain today. The question has to do with how to deal with the ex-whatever of someone who is your friend. If you are friends with someone, and they break it off with a person they are dating/sleeping with/married to/whatever, is it okay for you to pursue their ex? If you are the ex-whatever of someone, are you offended if they date/sleep with/marry/whatever someone else?

I'm not asking this because I'm interested in pursuing anybody's ex. I'm not interested in how I should be relating to the people who are currently hooked up with any of my exes. I'm not passing judgment on anybody's behavior, or inviting others to do so. I'm just curious, and I don't know what people percieve the rules to be on the thing. Please help?

[Poll #940484]

Comments

[kellan-m-solan.livejournal.com]

This is easy for me to answer for myself regarding my friends. But I am acutely aware that those answers are NOT applicable to other folk or even to friends I might acquire in the future. But, I never quite understood 'loyalty' as a reason not to date someone's ex. There might be a courtesy issues here ("you aught to ask, since that's the polite thing to do"), but I wouldn't be prepared to disown a friend simply because they were not courteous in a single instance (habitual discourtesy might be a sign of something else, itself worth ending a relationship over). I would seriously question the validity of any friendship that required constant 'proving' with signs of loyalty in every little thing. The measure of a friend, in my opinion, should be "can I trust this person to watch my back, even when there's nothing in it for them" for some friends that might be physically, for others socially, mentally, etc. Not "oh, he dated my ex way too soon, the bastard!"

Regarding 'waiting periods' my only position is that the relationship has to be over. Anytime you are told as much by both parties (while sober?) you're golden. Failing that you have to wait for a sure sign. I would consider 'papers filed' a sure sign. You might very well die of old age waiting for legal garbage to get cleared away...