Now, here's something you don't see every day

[featherynscale]

Look. I'm going to talk about a couple of things that I don't usually, that being television and the concept of polyamory. I don't talk much about television because I don't usually have any interaction with it. I don't talk much about the concept of polyamory because I find that people who do are usually either proseletyzing for the lifestyle or trying to shock other people, and I'm not much into that.

But today it's come to my attention that HBO is running a show in the new season called Big Love that is about a guy and his three wives and their co-housing project. And, on the Dr. Phil show this week, we're getting this: "Twisted Love -- Charles says he has exhausted his relationship with his wife of 19
years, and he's ready to try an alternative lifestyle. Instead of getting a divorce, Charles wants to explore polyfidelity -- a relationship where he is shared between his wife and his mistress. The mistress says she'll give it a try, but his wife, Tracy, says the thought makes her sick. Can Charles convince his wife to share him for the sake of their marriage? And what does Dr. Phil think?"

Now, I'm not sure how the HBO show will work out. It's entirely possible that they might have a show where this multi-partner family is fairly reasonable and decent to one another, and that people who don't know people who are in poly families will walk away from it going, well, that's odd but it seems to be good for them, or even wow, those people are just like other people except there's more of them in the house, or other such sentiments.

I'm pretty certain, though, how the Dr. Phil bit is going to go. I mean, really, if I were a PR guy and my client wanted to push the thought that polyamory was evil and degrading, I could hardly pick a better story to use in the context of "exploring polyfidelity". This guy can't be faithful and honest with one partner, he's got a partner that doesn't want to bring new people into the relationship and he's trying to talk her into it, and he's wandering off because he's bored with his wife. That's about as far from responsible multi-partner relationships as you can get, really. I mean, I suppose he's moving towards honesty in his relationship, and that's probably good. But still, thanks, you guys, for making it seem more like polyamory is about cheating and getting more sex no matter what. Well done there.

Anyway, if any of you tv-watching types happen to catch this Big Love show, tell me if it's any good, will you? I'm interested to see.

Comments

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Some of my best friends are poly...
hah! I'm sorry but, I have friends all over the board with all sorts of lifestyles. I think I attract people because I don't care, and I don't mean I don't care in an insensitive way, I mean as long as everthing is consensual and between adults, I just don't care. I have other criteria for friendship... that being said, if Jim got tired of me and wanted to bring another woman in, then to me that's not Poly, that's forcing me into a decision of losing him, and the things he brings to the table...like his paycheck, or accepting something I don't want.

Now, Jim could always cheat on me, though I've told him if I catch him and her, she will die right away and he'll consider her to be the lucky one, but that's not because I'm against Poly lifestyles, but I am monogamous and I married someone who promised to be monogamous.

I gave that explanation because it colors the pictures I bring to something, everyone's life experiences does. And that is what will happen on HBO, I imagine. The editing will be done to keep it interesting, and sex and tension are interesting, watching three people (or more, whatever configuration is involved) do the dishes - not so much. Like any reality show, they will want ratings and that means some sort of spin. I hope people watching don't assume they are seeing the whole picture any more than they do on "survivor" or "the real world"

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

I just saw where this is scripted, but the writers will still be bringing in their own colors of the world. I don't get HBO, but it would be interesting to watch, especially with the religion thrown in (hey, if I'm in a poly religion, I want multiple husbands too.) And have you ever noticed the wives in these things tend to get ever younger? The first wife might be 50 and the last one 19? if it's just for love why is it never older women added? huh? lol!

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

See, this is where I think nitpicking the semantics is important. To me, it's only polyamory if everybody loves everybody. If it's just a guy with two chicks, even if agreed upon, it's polygamy. Likewise, polyandry is one woman with multiple men who are not so much into each other. Neither should be confused, I suppose, with an open relationship.

Polyamory, while not my thing, makes sense. Anything else just sounds like a pain in the ass.

As for nodeal57, I've always said that it's the emotional attachment, rather than the sex, that causes infidelity, and I stand by that. Damned if I can figure out how one goes without the other, though.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

I don't know... when we first came back to the states and got online I got into cyber and a became somewhat attached to someone who was seemingly attached to me also, and our spouses knew about it... but it always felt very uncomfortable for me, and I realized that if Jim were having the very same relationship with someone else I'd not take it well. So I believe attacted emotions are very important in the equation. I want, and expect back, emotional and physical monogamy (emotional not to be confused with fantasy, he can watch porn til the cows come er...home... )

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Hey now. I'm the second woman in my house, and I'm older than her, but younger than him. Of course, we're not operating by the add-a-wife mormon rules, so it's probably different. Their model is closer to a man owning a woman (or some women, cause, after all, you can have more than one cow, right?) -- polyamory, not so much like that.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

I was specifically referring to the Mormon Poly's I've seen, and I'll admit I've only seen a limited amount on TV and such:)

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Also, high on the list of questions I probably really don't want the answer to:

So the usual legal complaint about Mormon-style polygamy is that it leads to abuse of the wives. And what I'm wondering here is this. If you're a wife in a multi-wife marriage, and your husband is abusive to you and the other wives, why don't you gang up on him and beat the hell out of him for a change? There are, definitionally, more of you than there are of him.

But maybe that's just me.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Maybe the man looks for a certain type? There are "religious" men and women who believe the bible gives open season on how the woman is treated, all boiling down to the verse on a woman should submit to her husband.