Bastards!

[featherynscale]

The link to 213 Things Skippy Is No Longer Allowed to Do in the US Army that I was using as part of my email signature has been going to a dead page for possibly weeks now. Bastardy.

Fortunately, the Internet is full of redundancy. And Skippy has his own site, apparently. Well done, Skippy.

Comments

[druidevo.livejournal.com]

I few of these I could realy relate too:

88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as “Mom”.

89. Must not refer to the Commander as “Dad”.

101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.

118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Yeah - reading these always makes me think of all the military folk I know, and which ones of these they're probably also guilty of... Let's see: there's you, diermuid, iron_clad, opaljax... Yep.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

That's right. Because I would have been one of the officers Skippy afflicted so. And I wouldn't be caught dead doing a lap dance in formation...(maybe on the parade ground, but certainly not in formation).

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I've heard about your parade grounds. Besides, there's nothing on Skippy's list about using your phone sex voice over the intercom, or about throwing cake to Odin, so I figured your lot was in a class by itself. :)

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the link, I had to submit part of my own list to Skippy. It's not Army, and it's pogue stuff, but being the command "Skippy" myself, I had plenty of fun opportunities to rebel.

1) When in a joint civilian-military office, military-style barks of motivation are not authorized for use. Even if the CoC does agree it is funny to watch them jump.
2) Practicing cadence “loud and proud” is similarly discouraged.
3) Even if all the NSNs are correct, an admin supply clerk is not allowed to order C4, blasting caps, or det cord via GSA.
4) Submitting a requisition form for C4, blasting caps, and Det cord just a few months before the Murrah Federal Building bombing causes a lot of extra counseling sessions.
5) Article 134 CAN be used to prosecute vampirism witnessed in the barracks, and no, I can not use a theological argument against the charges.
6) One should not refer to the command Sergeant Major’s daughter as a ‘barracks bunny hopping from room to room’ in front of the C.O.
7) One should not discharge a white star cluster while running through dense forest.
8) WP burns caused by one’s own stupidity are not allowed to be called ‘war wounds’.
9) It is never a good idea to scrub the company gunny’s coffee mug until it’s as “clean as the day he bought it”.
10) It is not advisable to take written notes when getting yelled at.
11) I am not authorized to compel civilians to “push and give me 20”. And just because they did it, does not make it right.
12) If cliff diving is not authorized, that also implies cliff jumping, cliff skipping, and any other form of activity that involves my body leaving a large vertical plane and landing in the ocean.
13) It does not matter WHAT military publication the cartoon came from, I am not to label my paper recycling box as the “in basket”.
14) I am not allowed to refer to the SPs (Air Force MPs) as “Really big Cub Scouts with funny boots”. ESPECIALLY not when trying to get on an AF base.
15) Floor buffers are not to be ridden, no matter WHAT the hour.
16) It is ill-advised to mimic swatting the female captain’s rear with your cover, especially when she is right by her office hatch and prone to stop suddenly.
17) Writing up an award recommendation for a fellow servicemember who got a really heinous papercut during time of war is “conduct unbecoming”. Even if we DID have a corpsman treat the wound AND even if the verbage on the paper was hostile.
18) If I use one more frikkin 50-cent word I will be doing pushups until my eyeballs pop out. And I am allowed not to question the physics of that statement either.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how to follow those up, except to say that it's now in Company D-3's Supply Corporal rules & regs that one must not ever distribute condoms to one's fellow cadets by covering one's body in condoms, standing blindfolded in the hallway and shouting, "Come and get it, soldiers!"

No matter how effective it is.

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Odd, we never had that issue around Marine areas. People who chew aluminum cans and snort dog tag chains for fun generally have little use for condoms.

Re: links elsewhere

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

Usually, when I link to something, I keep a copy on my journal that is backdated and friendslocked in case the link goes away. It's just part of my pedantic nature...

Re: links elsewhere

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

That would be clever... I don't suppose that the LJ mafia eventually shows up at your door making remarks about your use of space?