featherynscale: Schmendrick the magician from The Last Unicorn (Default)
[personal profile] featherynscale
Last night I dreamed I was looking for a job, and I got an interview with a newspaper. The woman came to EHQ for the interview, which was odd, and worse, she didn't give any notice, just dropped by. This apparently happened while [livejournal.com profile] kittenpants was giving an art lesson, so the house was full of teens and tweens, and also while [livejournal.com profile] triadruid was facilitating a meeting of the Neighborhood Association, so those folks were all there, too. (Not that we have a Neighborhood Association, thank the gods.) Anyway. I'm trying to make tea for everyone, but there aren't any clean cups in the house, and even cups I pull out of the dishwasher turn out to still have teabags in them.

Somehow the interview goes well. They offer me a job as an editor, and the salary is unreasonably large. Even in dream brain, I knew there was something wrong with this. I ask the woman if the number is correct, because everybody knows there's no money in the newspaper business unless you own the paper. She tells me it's a very upscale paper, so we're well-sponsored, and that this will mean that I'll be printing a lot of stuff with a high-capitalism slant. I'm not really down with that, but hey, it's a lot of money, right? She tells me I'll also have to commute a few times a week to the paper's office, which is in Des Moines. That part doesn't sound so bad. Then, she asks me if I'm a vampire. I look at her funny for a while, and then say that I'm not. She makes it very clear that I will have to become one.

Somehow this all seems like a good idea. I go to Des Moines the next day to be hired, and presumably to become a vampire. Skip ahead a few days. I return to find that EHQ is empty. The house is, in fact, gone. [livejournal.com profile] iron_clad is there on the lot, though, and he tells me that my family has moved. I follow him to the new place. This is through what seems to be several miles of badlands (which, after waking up and thinking about it, seemed to be Blue River Road). The new house is two to three times the size of EHQ (which is already not a small house).

I go into the house, and [livejournal.com profile] kittenpants and [livejournal.com profile] triadruid are there. They tell me they'd hired [livejournal.com profile] iron_clad to do all the moving, and to decorate the house. My room is down the hall. I go there, and it's an office room. Apparently now we have our own offices. I start to put things away in a chest of drawers and they say, no, clothes go in your other room. So I go downstairs, to where they've indicated my other room is. This room has a bed in it, and some other bedroom furniture on dark greenish-brown walls and pale carpet. It is also filled with weaponry. There are swords on the walls, and a big round shield. In the corner, there is an umbrella stand full of polearms and spears. [livejournal.com profile] iron_clad has apparently picked all this stuff out for me.

I wake up with the reflection that newspaper editors are a lot like vampires in a number of ways, so it makes a sort of sense. You're up working all hours of the night, you have a tendency to drain the life from your staff, and most importantly, you kill a lot of trees. I used to know a guy back in my RHPS days who had a Vampire game character who had declared enmity on trees as a whole, on the grounds that the best way to kill him would be with a wooden stake, and if he could eliminate the trees, that would be so much less wood that could be made into stakes. This stuck with me, for some reason.

Date: 2007-05-16 03:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] celticwhistlin.livejournal.com
Wow. Um... I wonder if I would have such a reaction if I was asked to become a Vampire in my dream for a job. I guess if it was the right job...

Date: 2007-05-16 03:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
I wasn't all that worried about it. I'm nocturnal by nature, you know.

Date: 2007-05-16 03:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] celticwhistlin.livejournal.com
So is [livejournal.com profile] cerrunos. He says he hates that shift because he doesn't get to see me but secretly I *know* he wants to work at night. He does his best thinking after the sun goes down.

Date: 2007-05-16 04:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
That's because he's a troll. :-P
Cooler temperatures are better for the silicon brain.

Date: 2007-05-16 04:19 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] celticwhistlin.livejournal.com
That's it! I will have to remind him of this when he complains to me about having to wake up before noon on the weekends after he told me had to be some place at 10:00 that is a two hour drive away... silly troll.

Date: 2007-05-16 05:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] greektoomey.livejournal.com
Man, I wish I had an umbrella stand full of polearms and spears.

Date: 2007-05-16 08:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com
Who doesn't? Maybe it could be a big silly one that looks like an elephant's foot!

Mostly though, and umbrella stand down here would have to say "This is not a trach can" on it. Some of these folks here in the Sunshine State tend to get confused, after all.

Date: 2007-05-16 08:42 pm (UTC)
ext_3038: Red Panda with the captain "Oh Hai!" (Default)
From: [identity profile] triadruid.livejournal.com
That's funny, my grandmother's house in the Panhandle is probably the only house I've ever seen that had an umbrella stand...

Date: 2007-05-16 09:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com
I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that she's not a native. Too often down here, if you've got an umbrella stand some idiot will just throw trash in it.

Date: 2007-05-16 09:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
Hey now. My grandmother has an umbrella stand, and you'd better believe Nobody puts a piece of trash in the wrong place at Mizz P's house.

Also, I know you think people in Florida are stupid, but let me tell you this. I used to think that too, and then I moved to Stupid Fucking Kansas. People are stupid everywhere you go.

Date: 2007-05-16 09:56 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com
People in FL are stupid, but hey- we all take our turns at it. True, some people seem to skip in line a lot, but this can't be helped. I don't at all mean to imply that stupidity recognizes any sort of geo-political borders. That'd be plain daft.

Date: 2007-05-16 09:16 pm (UTC)
ext_3038: Red Panda with the captain "Oh Hai!" (Default)
From: [identity profile] triadruid.livejournal.com
Well, it was inside the door of a half-million-dollar house, if that helps. I didn't know people put them outside...?

And yeah, she was originally/spent a great deal of time in Virginia and D.C.

Date: 2007-05-16 10:00 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com
I've seen them in offices here, and there's always some dolt that'll throw bits of paper or cigarette butts in there. I'd imagine it'd be less of a problem in someone's home, where presumably they have more control over just how much stupid gets to cross their threshold.


featherynscale: Schmendrick the magician from The Last Unicorn (Default)

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