Burial rites
Jan. 19th, 2007 11:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
featherynscaleNone of that Glenn-Danzig-Fucking in the journal today (even if it did get more discussion than anything I've posted in months...what does that say about us?). Today's journal is serious business. (Insofar as anything is.)
See, yesterday, we performed a funeral for a young man (he had achieved the ripe old age of 23) who was shot while trying to defend his mother and younger brother from a man who had broken into their home. We didn't know him, or his family, but he was a Wiccan, and Gaia Community was the last religious group he'd had any affiliation with, so they called us. And of course, we thought it was the right thing to do, to go and honor this person who was a fellow-traveler, even if we didn't know him, and talk to his family, who were supportive of his religious leanings, but not really solid on what the whole Wicca thing was about. And so we did.
And funerals, as they say, are for the living, so we tried to do the thing in such a way that the family could see that his beliefs were honored and also in such a way that they could get what was happening, and hopefully derive some comfort from it as regards the afterlife of their loved one.
The thing is, like other popular religions derived from several historical and philosophical systems, Wicca has two conflicting views of the afterlife (yes, I'm talking to you, Christianity, with your immortal soul transmuted to the afterlife [Greek!] and your bodily resurrection at the coming of Christ [Hebrew!]. Don't look so embarrassed though, you're still a very popular religion, and most of your adherents don't even get that there's a distinction). Some of the thinking favors reincarnation, some favors an afterworld populated by the shades of the ancestors. And of course, some people opt for both versions, an afterworld which is a between-place, where at any given time, some ancestors reside while waiting to be reincarnated. And we have no idea which of these views the poor deceased gentleman held. So some of the theology may have got a bit muddled as we tried to include something of a range.
And of course, many of us are hovering in a similar state: many of us either adhere to a religion that makes conflicting statements about the afterlife, or draw our religious beliefs from a variety of sources, so that unless we are clear about these things while we are alive, after we die, those who will prepare our burial or cremation rites will have to make their best guess, and proceed from there.
So I'm thinking that when I'm writing my advance directives, I'm going to have to include a brief description of what will and will not be appropriate at my funeral rites. The gods know that in my particular case, you're unlikely to be able to distill that from observation of the rituals and workings I attend.
See, yesterday, we performed a funeral for a young man (he had achieved the ripe old age of 23) who was shot while trying to defend his mother and younger brother from a man who had broken into their home. We didn't know him, or his family, but he was a Wiccan, and Gaia Community was the last religious group he'd had any affiliation with, so they called us. And of course, we thought it was the right thing to do, to go and honor this person who was a fellow-traveler, even if we didn't know him, and talk to his family, who were supportive of his religious leanings, but not really solid on what the whole Wicca thing was about. And so we did.
And funerals, as they say, are for the living, so we tried to do the thing in such a way that the family could see that his beliefs were honored and also in such a way that they could get what was happening, and hopefully derive some comfort from it as regards the afterlife of their loved one.
The thing is, like other popular religions derived from several historical and philosophical systems, Wicca has two conflicting views of the afterlife (yes, I'm talking to you, Christianity, with your immortal soul transmuted to the afterlife [Greek!] and your bodily resurrection at the coming of Christ [Hebrew!]. Don't look so embarrassed though, you're still a very popular religion, and most of your adherents don't even get that there's a distinction). Some of the thinking favors reincarnation, some favors an afterworld populated by the shades of the ancestors. And of course, some people opt for both versions, an afterworld which is a between-place, where at any given time, some ancestors reside while waiting to be reincarnated. And we have no idea which of these views the poor deceased gentleman held. So some of the theology may have got a bit muddled as we tried to include something of a range.
And of course, many of us are hovering in a similar state: many of us either adhere to a religion that makes conflicting statements about the afterlife, or draw our religious beliefs from a variety of sources, so that unless we are clear about these things while we are alive, after we die, those who will prepare our burial or cremation rites will have to make their best guess, and proceed from there.
So I'm thinking that when I'm writing my advance directives, I'm going to have to include a brief description of what will and will not be appropriate at my funeral rites. The gods know that in my particular case, you're unlikely to be able to distill that from observation of the rituals and workings I attend.
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no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 05:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 06:01 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 09:39 pm (UTC)I have also been thinking really since my cousin died (and I went, "Wow. You people did what you wanted with this whole thing. *HE* would *NEVER* have wanted what you just did.") and what I feel should be done with/to/about me.
Some state, "Do what ever you want. I'll be dead. I don't care. As long as you donate as much of me as you can to help someone."
I have particular things that I wish done with me only because they fall directly in with what I believe happens to us after death. I really need to get them on paper...
no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 10:11 pm (UTC)Lots of folks know that what I want is basically "cremate me and have a party". I should probably write it down at some point here, though at least this is pretty much what my family does anyway.
It was interesting going to my maternal grandmother's funeral last year; it's that side of the family that I mostly got the "cremate me and have a party" attitude from, but my one of my cousins was fairly close to her and is a mortician. I think she's wonderful and I'm glad she has a job that makes her happy (and it clearly does) but she's also really into the whole "providing closure" thing, and so wanted to make all that happen. I don't think my grandmother would have minded, but it made for an odd mix — we had this fairly traditional funeral with an embalmed body, a showing for the family beforehand, all that, and then we all went out and partied afterwards.
The funerals for my stepdad's parents (which were also both in the last 1.5 year or so) were very much a little memorial, say a few words, get the family together and eat and drink and enjoy each other's company and remember the good things. Laugh a lot, maybe cry a little... My stepdad's sister's funeral a couple of years ago (she died quite young, massive aorta failure, basically) had a lot more crying, but even then — she was very well-liked as one of the founders of Frontier Airlines and so there were a lot of her coworkers there, and there was this one young guy (who was very gay in that swishy way) who could've been a standup comedian who did a eulogy for her. He had us all laughing and bawling alternately, and it was a wonderful way to remember her.
That's the sort of thing I find cool, m'self. I want to have someone care enough to take the time to make a whole room laugh telling stories about me.
...
Date: 2007-01-19 10:21 pm (UTC)Last Wishes: 3
Now I like Danzig just fine, amazingly for my age group apparently, I didn't have to google him after reading the post. And I like fucking (we won't go past there for now). But having spent quite a bit of time lately with folks for whom death is a very immediate concern. I think it is worth pointing out that this is a subject that absolutely MUST be talked about. Which, really, shouldn't be hard in this crowd. "Jan. 19th, 2007 12:01 pm (local)
Death is interesting!"
So...if you aren't going to do it on the Internet (which really would be more fun, cause I could voyeur it), then at least grab a loved one tonight and hash it out. Cause I know I for one, would really hate to meet my gods and have to explain that the totally inappropriate things my friends are doing back on earth are because I never bothered to let them in on my secrets.
Re: ...
Date: 2007-01-19 10:46 pm (UTC)I don't see how any of you folks would end up involved in my rites (though it would be a honor of course). But for what it's worth I'd like to burn in the open air. I've made tentative arrangements and set aside a sum of money to handle the legal complications inherent in this. What remains after (likely a noticeable bit judging by the open air cremations I've seen) should be buried, sans coffin. If enough people are in attendance to make it worth doing, a ritual would be nice. Something centered more upon honoring my memory than the afterlife. It doesn't really matter what the ritual is, so much as that there is one. It is comforting just to think someone will want to have one.
I greatly respect people who are selfless enough to want loved ones who outlive them to celebrate and be happy. I am not one of them. I don't think it's entirely natural for people to be joyous or even upbeat at a funeral. There is a time and place for solemnity...and I think this is it. In conclusion: honor whatever gods you like (or who you think might like me)...just take a moment or two to honor me as well. And don't put me in a damn box!
no subject
Date: 2007-01-19 10:46 pm (UTC)I'll have to ask, I guess.
no subject
Date: 2007-01-20 01:45 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-20 06:59 pm (UTC)I'd certainly rather be cremated than inhumed, and I'd like a few tasteful grave goods -- either an obol or a silver dollar for the boatman, some dice, a knife and my necklace. And in the best tradition of "Stop, traveler, and behold my grave!" I want one of these.
Ok, the last may be taking it a bit far. But still, you gotta admit it'd be funny!
no subject
Date: 2007-01-22 07:35 pm (UTC)Terribly confusing!
Glad you were able to put on a good funeral for the kid's family.
Such a sad situation!