Well, then. (Part 7,842)

[featherynscale]

While we were at the movies on Saturday, my father called and left a message on my voicemail. The recording quality was not great, but I was pretty sure he said that I should call because my sister had had a baby. And I thought to myself, "Self, you just saw said sister, and she didn't look pregnant then, so that can't be right." And then I thought further, and determined that when I "just saw" her was actually at her wedding, last June. This line of inquiry led quickly to "Dammit, that's probably true then."

So I did what I normally do when I don't want to face up to things. I didn't call back. My state of engineered ignorance lasted until this morning, when I got an email from my father. As it happens, I did get it partially wrong. She's having the baby in May.

Now, my sister is an adult, and can do whatever she wants. But she was in school, studying to be a veterinarian. She loves animals, and has her whole life. Ever since she could form concepts about careers, she has wanted to be a vet. Her whole life, she has wanted to be a vet. And she didn't have that much more school to go. Guess what's not going to happen now.

But it's okay, I'm told, because her husband will support her. She doesn't have to finish school and go on to do what she's wanted to do her whole life, because Mike will take care of her now. Daddy took care of her until she got married, and now Mike will take care of her, and her goals are irrelevant. No matter that she was the only one of our generation that had any kind of serious goals. The relatives are thrilled for her.

Yark.

Comments

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Yark is the only word for it.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Oh, wow.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Y'know, I didn't see it as such a bad message until you put it in that context. Yark, indeed. Any chance she'll listen to you if you try to convince her to go back and finish in a couple of months/years? I know it's harder to restart, but maybe you, of the No Aspirations But Lots of Opinions, can convince her to follow her dreams after all.

After all, if Mike's going to support her, he can support her going back to school, too. :D

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Without the context, it's not a big deal. It just means I'll be someone else's auntie, and the line continues -- you breed so I don't have to, and so on.

We'll be working on the how to go back to school thing. But I'm betting, speaking with the weight of statistics and the knowledge of what my relatives are like, that she never will.

[sannion.livejournal.com]

If that's what she wants ... uhm ... good for her? But still ... uggh. Just uggh. I've never understood why women will do that.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

My bet's on stupid, and/or bowing to social pressures. And if it were physically possible for men to do the same thing, I'm betting a lot of them would too.

[sannion.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. I have no doubt of it, whatsoever. Hell, I even gave up my writing and spirituality to a large extent in order to care for my girlfriend and her child. At the time, that seems so much more important to you. But eventually, those other needs grow unmet and begin to tear you apart internally. It's not a pleasant situation, by any means. I wish there was an easier balance.

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

It seems to me a very Southern/Mid-Western thing, this "You must have a child and give up everything else to have any worth" mentality. My neighbors were/are the same way. "When are you going to have any kids? Why don't you have any yet?" They don't seem to accept the answer of, "When the Universe says we can by making it happen. We don't really have that much choice in the matter at this point."

Or is this perhaps a Universal mindset for most unenlightened people to have and not particular to geographical areas? Maybe socioeconomic as well...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Heh. I get those questions all the time, too. I always thought it was a Southern thing, but they keep reminding me that Missouri was also a slave state. Of course, you're in Kansas, but I think you see my point.

My question is, do they also ask your husband, or just you?

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

My neighbors ask us both. earthmother55 generally just asks me...

[rio-luna.livejournal.com]

yark indeed.

but hey, there's nothing saying she can't go back. my preggo status is delaying my phd program a year or two but not forever.

but yeah, yuk.

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

that is very sad that in this day and age people seem to think a girl should do what her father and later husband wants her to do. i mean, it's all well and good if the girl's goal is to be "kept" (it was mine after all) but that is not to say everyone else should be that way.

[matchgirl42.livejournal.com]

*headdesk*

Congrats on the impending offspring, and impending aunthood, and all that, but....


*headdesk*

Hey now

[opaljax.livejournal.com]

After the Army, I was in college (and married) and ended up pregnant (the Girl), got a job, went back to school, and had the Boy. Went back to school, and eventually got my degree. When I got my degree, I had two kids, a husband (who is now, thankfully, gone) and a part time job. Granted, it took me about 10 years, but I did do it. I don't know your sister, but if she's determined, she won't let the Kid get in the way. Yeah, it's "yark" but it might be ok.