Note to Self

[featherynscale]

Dear Creature:

As it happens, you may not continue to tweak the fuck out every time someone says something to you that they obviously mean to be complimentary and reassuring. This would include, but not be limited to:
"Oh, you're still young and cute. I'm sure you'll get married someday."
"Oh, don't say that about yourself, you're a lovely girl/very feminine/etc."
"One day you'll meet the right man, you're smart to wait."
"One day you'll find the man you want to have kids with."
Or anything else of that nature.

Do keep in mind that they do not know you, and it has not occurred to them that any of these things might not be what you want. The fact that you have explained this to them in the past should not be considered to mean that alternate possibilities have occurred to them. They are only trying to be helpful. If you cannot figure out a way for this sort of thing not to make you angry on your own, then you will require some sort of counselling or therapy.

In the interim, if you can't actually stop yourself from being angry, you might at least try practicing not looking angry.

Patiently,
You.

ALSO OF NOTE: I just got a termination notice for one of our warehouse managers. From that same warehouse manager. Having to write your own term notice is cruel and unusual, like forced hiri-kari, or however you spell that.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: For some reason, most of the comments to this are about elephant porn. Don't say I didn't warn you.

EDIT: The reason why it's all elephant porn from here on out is probably because you guys are all funnier and less maladjusted than I am. Let's all say that together, shall we? "Elephant porn is less maladjusted than featherynscale." Okay, good.

Comments

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

I believe even Ms. Manners would take issue with people making assumptions, then laying those assumptions on you.

It's your business if you want to dress up or down your femininity, have kids, or eat elephants (okay, I added that one, but it's still your business) and no one else really has a right to comment on such personal things unless you ask them to.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Actually, I'm pretty sure elephants are an endangered species. I take your point though. :)

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Are they? Poor big grey things. But any day now I'm sure they will meet some species they want to have children with:)

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Eeeeee. I hope not. I really can't think of anything I'd want to see crossed with an elephant, right off hand.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Oh gad, My mind is a horrid scary place that I won't share...too much porn, must never ever go there again.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Elephant Porn?!?

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Well you know, the trunk is pretty phallic when you think about it...

which I'm probably the only person who thinks about it because I'm sick sick sick.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Elephants are bizarre. I read somewhere that female elephants have several "false vaginas" in addition to the one that actually attaches to the reproductive system. I'm not sure what kind of evolutionary advantage that is, but it's interesting. (I'd pull up an article, but if there's one thing I'm not googling from the office, it's 'elephant vagina'.)

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Hah! I really don't blame you at all.

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

That's too funny... I would so google that here and when it blocks it, I can call and tell them I'm doing STD research! :-)

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

There is a great South Park episode where they try to get a pig and an elephant to make love so they could have miniture elephants... If I recall right, the elephant turned out to be gay or something...

I remember that one, sorta.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Elephant-sized pigs! I think the pig/elephant cross turned out to be a pig/Mr. Garrison cross.

Re: I remember that one, sorta.

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

Something like that...

Ok, I can't restrain myself...

[wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com]

Why not cross 'em with a rhino? They're both endangered, but if they're doomed to extinction why not let 'em get a little freaky before their big finale?

Re: Ok, I can't restrain myself...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Well, gee, mister. If I knew all I'd have to do to make you show up was invite people to talk about giant weird rare animal sex, I'd have done it a long time ago.
Maybe.

How's wildnsquirrelly?

Re: Ok, I can't restrain myself...

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

Why not?! Elephant's got length and the rhino's width...

Dorkenstein

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

Wait a minute, are we talking about the general characteristics of the animals or their genitalia?

Re: Dorkenstein

[wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com]

Ok all, that was actually what I considered a poorly concealed joke. The punchline being that any offspring might be known as an "Eleifino". Say it out loud, then groan at the lousy pun. Luv ya.

Re: Dorkenstein

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

Thinly veiled inuendo...

[catvincent.livejournal.com]

I seem to recall an elephant/chicken cross in 'Meet The Feebles' - and yes, the elephant was the father...
(Which then puts me in mind of the Bongwater lyric "And what about chicken pussy - is it enticing? I mean, what's the story here?" Which likely tells you way too much about my tastes.)

(NB Chicken and/or elephant sex isn't among them. Just to be clear.)

Where was I?

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

It does seem rather rude to be forced to write your own letter of termination... It was hard enough writing one for someone else let alone a forced one for yourself!

[catvincent.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah...
It's usually spelt 'hara-kiri', literally, 'belly cutting'.
Bu the actual act of Samurai ritual suicide is correctly called Seppuku.

Thanks!

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I knew there were a's in one bit and i's in the other, but not which was which. And couldn't summon seppuku to mind, even though I can use it in a sentence. (As in, "Let's play Google Seppuku!")

Re: Thanks!

[catvincent.livejournal.com]

De nada.

More to your post topic

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

This was in my inbox today...


Anger is the real destroyer of our good human qualities; an enemy with a weapon cannot destroy these qualities, but anger can. Anger is our real enemy.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

Re: More to your post topic

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Yar. Thank you. I know that, too. And yet. And then, I get angry at myself for being angry! That's the *really* maladjusted part.
Fortunately, most episodes of temper are quick to disperse, but I'd like to get to where they occur less often. :(

Re: More to your post topic

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

I am generally surprised when people say that they are feeling an intense emotion in my presence. I generally don't see it. I may notice that the behavior is odd or off in someway but generally I cannot tell when people are... well, anything. I totally lack that radar apparently. Unless you make it blatently obvious... I'm clueless.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

While they may be trying to say, "Hey, it'll all be good someday, don't give up.", They are saying it in ways that would be comforting to themselves, not you.
-
Most people don't seem to have an imagination or the ability to remember that others might have another worldview. Never-you-mind that that worldview might also be alien and perhaps antipodean to their own.
-=-
So, if I wanted to tell you that it'll all work out, Rah Rah and so forth, what should I say? Do?

Thank you for that.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

So, if I wanted to tell you that it'll all work out, Rah Rah and so forth, what should I say? Do?

Well, for a start, you might endeavor to ascertain whether or not I really needed encouragement. The thing that irritates me about people saying these things to me is that the conversation often goes like this:

Well-meaning person: Are you married?
Me: No, I'm not.
WMP: Well, don't give up, you're young yet! Etc!
Me: *baffled*
*or*
WMP: Yes, sir! er... Ma'am! *embarrassed*
Me: Eh, don't worry about it. I often think of myself as a boy.
WMP: Oh, no, don't say that! You're a lovely girl!
Me: *baffled*

If I were lamenting my life to them, I would understand. And if I were lamenting my life to you, I suspect that the best thing you could say to me would be something like, "Well, I wouldn't worry about it too much." Because that's the sort of thing I often tell myself.

But that's not the important part. The important part is that I would really not like to continue to be told that I can/should overcome things that are not, to me, problems.

Re: Thank you for that.

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

I can understand your frustration in people responses to your answers... their answers are enough to make them feel better about their perspective on life and nothing more realizing that most people that we interact with can be considered *the general public* as we call them.

You and I and most of our friends are people that *the general public* cannot relate to in that we have a different world view and personal perspective than they do. I don't know if I have articulated this properly... but there you go.

I don't get it

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I guess I don't get why it bothers you so much that they're sympathizing with you over something you don't see as a problem.

is it that you don't know how to respond, without offending them/confusing them further?

I'd just chalk it up to good intentions and move on, but this is one of those areas where I may be more optimistic than you. Had to happen sometime...

Re: Thank you for that.

[adammaker.livejournal.com]

Humanity, thy name is Projection. Sigh.


-=-
That's why I have a pattern of praise and encouragement that is pretty generic, unless I know the person very well.

I do my best not to assume too much about others, but I still do it to some degree.

Re: Thank you for that.

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

*hands you a small, tastefully wrapped bundle of Generic-Pleased-To-Know-You-ness, with a side of Appropriate Congratulations And/Or Encouragement*

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Heh. I wish I could make a few people write their own termination notices now and then :)

As for the commenting stuff, people as a general point of nature say those sorts of things on an innocous level. Yes, it can get in your craw a bit and I've been on both sides of it. I'd say just shrug it off and keep doing what your doing.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I'd say just shrug it off and keep doing what your doing.
I try to. And the first ten or fifteen times it happens, I can. But it sort of builds up in my system like MSG. And then, I get angry, and then I'm embarrassed and irritated that I got angry at a person who meant well, and then the cycle begins again. :-/

[arian1.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Emotions are a pain in the ass that way sometimes. Question is why do people feel compelled to tell you this over and over? I always heard the same thing when I lived out that way...not so much back here in Kahleeforhnia (Arnold speak)

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

a very wise person once said "you can only expect people to behave the way they behave and not the way you want them to behave" it's good advice.