featherynscale: Schmendrick the magician from The Last Unicorn (Default)
[personal profile] featherynscale
Here's the thing. I wouldn't go around asking to see everybody's bits without a good reason. I'm not sure that this is a good reason, but the request was only hypothetical anyway.

The day after Thanksgiving, we went out for some exploration in Iowa City, which is much more interesting than somewhere in Iowa has any right to be, and we found a gallery. In the window was a larger-than-life ball gown made of twisted silver wire and mesh. It was intriguing, and so we wandered in.

For our house, a trip to a gallery is often an exercise in "I can make that" and/or "Wow, I'm not charging enough for the things that I make that are like that", and this was no exception. We wandered around and rated the pieces on inspiration, difficulty to copy, and likelihood of self-injury in the process. And then, we discovered that the gallery had a basement.

In the basement was all of the stuff they couldn't display upstairs, either for lack of space, or lack of completion, or other reasons. At the foot of the stairs sat a glass display case. On top of the case were some porcelain beetles, which were compelling enough that we wanted to spend some time looking at them. And then, I looked through the case top and spoke the fateful words... "Is that a ceramic chicken with a penis head?"

And lo, it was. Some clever and enterprising fellow in Iowa City sculpts birds. A great number of birds. But where the bird's head should be is, in every case, a penis head. He had a chicken. He had a peacock. He had a woodpecker. He had a kiwi, which was especially disturbing due to length of head, and also due to the lack of an obvious penis pun.

Later, I was discussing it with [livejournal.com profile] infintysquared. He said "What do you think the artistic statement is there?" And I said, "I think it's huh-huh, huh-huh, I made a cock. But it was like, a cock. huh-huh."

And it came to me in that moment that what might be very entertaining to do would be to make a chess set in which all the pieces were penises, or bits thereof. So I started talking about this to [livejournal.com profile] kittenpants and [livejournal.com profile] triadruid. We talked about what the various pieces would look like, and whether you could make more-or-less traditionally shaped pieces that were also penises, and whether if you had the queen as a penis with a rubber on (the reservoir tip taking the place of the traditional ball crown on the queen) people might think it was some sort of commentary on HIV. And eventually, the conversation turned to "But how would you make the pieces?" [livejournal.com profile] triadruid asked if I would cast from life. And I thought, "Um. I don't think I could talk enough people into letting me handle their cocks to make that work." He thought perhaps I could, if I told them it was for artistic purposes.

And I think that's where we came in.

Date: 2005-11-30 08:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adammaker.livejournal.com
"it's GOOD to be the King...."

Date: 2005-11-30 08:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
Perhaps. The king, I think, would have some sort of cross-bar piercing.

Loopy on cold meds, I am.

Date: 2005-11-30 08:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saffronhare.livejournal.com
Adam should totally be a bishop. Cuz... well...er, just cuz.

Re: Loopy on cold meds, I am.

Date: 2005-11-30 08:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] saffronhare.livejournal.com
What? I don't know what you're talking about. (la la la...)

Re: Loopy on cold meds, I am.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
Well, that's as may be, but could we tell that by looking at your bits?

Re: Loopy on cold meds, I am.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adammaker.livejournal.com
not really.

but now I want to be the Bishop of Lawrence!

I'm not old enough to be the Pope.

Re: Loopy on cold meds, I am.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:42 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
I'm not certain how letting me handle your bits will help you achieve this goal, but if you give me a moment, I'm sure something will arise occur.

Re: Loopy on cold meds, I am.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:58 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adammaker.livejournal.com
I'm sure, too.

I've seen this dick before

Date: 2005-11-30 08:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] gamera-spinning.livejournal.com
You know, it's a peculiar phenomenon, but I took a trip to Greece back when I was a junior in high school. I went with my Mother. I can't tell you how many chess sets I saw with that motif, (and how awkward it was encountering such items with my Mother while shopping). No idea why it was such a big thing in Greece (Athens and Rhodes, in particular).

Date: 2005-11-30 08:38 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] iron-clad.livejournal.com
I modestly offer my services madam. (WoooHooo!) Also, if you need some sculpting or painting help for the pieces, let me know.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adammaker.livejournal.com
remember, iron clad means there is always wood, underneath.
(ship-wise) heh.

cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rfunk.livejournal.com
Oh, handling! Well OK then, that's different from sending pictures! :-)

Re: cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
I figured I'd start at pictures and work my way up. Does that change your answer?

Re: cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rfunk.livejournal.com
Potentially. Though there would be travel and spousal concerns to address.

Re: cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:11 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adammaker.livejournal.com
ah yes,
the famous 'handling fee'.
*grin*

Groan.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
*pokes the adam*

Re: cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:16 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
Of course -- I'd have to have spousal consent on anyone who might be suspected of having a spouse or other interested party :)

Re: cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] adammaker.livejournal.com
woo!
Party!
-=-
oh, nevermind.

Re: cast from life

Date: 2005-11-30 10:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
Really, I prefer to have interesting parties, but that's neither here nor there, I suppose.

Date: 2005-11-30 10:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] beccak1961.livejournal.com
I wouldn't go around asking to see everybody's bits without a good reason

And why not? :>

Why not?

Date: 2005-11-30 10:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
I don't know. Probably something to do with spousal consent, see above :)

Date: 2005-12-01 01:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] matchgirl42.livejournal.com
*falls over laughing*

You're so, so devious.

Well done, darlin'. Well done.

Date: 2005-12-01 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
I'm so not devious. I tell people exactly what I'm up to, almost all the time!

Date: 2005-12-02 02:37 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] matchgirl42.livejournal.com
Exactly. ;)

*poke*

Date: 2005-12-01 04:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lexpendragon.livejournal.com
The Queen Peice Could Always Just Be A Clit On A Pedastal.

Date: 2005-12-01 05:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
I thought about that...

Date: 2005-12-01 10:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] rfunk.livejournal.com
Also cast from life?

Date: 2005-12-01 11:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] infintysquared.livejournal.com
I still say the King should have a Prince Albert. Woot.

And since when does a pretty girl need more than a twinkle in her eye as a reason to request to touch naughty bits? Bah.

Date: 2005-12-01 11:46 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] featherynscale.livejournal.com
Oh, a pretty girl, sure. But I figured if it was me, I'd better have some convincing backup. :)

Date: 2005-12-02 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] infintysquared.livejournal.com
Bah. Maybe we just have slightly different definitions of "pretty girl." I know mine is you-inclusive.

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