Addendum to previous post

[featherynscale]

I have a hard time believing in absolutes. I think that I live in a very large and complex system, in which very little, possibly nothing, happens for one reason only, or because of one actor only. The first thing I was taught about marriage/couples therapy is that nothing is exclusively the fault of one party, and that's a system consisting of only two primary actors. I don't believe that you can control everything that happens in your life, make everything that you do or are involved in strictly by your will.

I do, however, believe that you can reduce the number of things that "happen to you" and increase the number of things that you "cause to happen". Yeah, things will still "happen to you", good and bad, no matter how mindful of your actions and your environment you become. Things will still backfire, or work out in some way you hadn't anticipated. But I think that you can improve your lot in life in a number of ways by being more responsible for yourself, thinking about the possible consequences of your actions and making measured decisions.

I've seen this work more times than I can count. I've seen people begin the climb out of depression by shifting their perceptions from "I can't do anything to lie on the couch" to "I have chosen to lie on the couch today", and a thousand other iterations on the same sort of theme. Maybe you can't make everything work out the way you think it should, but you can damned well try.

Comments

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Does it sound like I am trying to take credit for other people's changes? That's not cool - I do not in any way mean to imply that. You change yourself, that seems to be the only way it works.

[agrnmn.livejournal.com]

Actually no it didn't sound like that at all. I am in concordance with you on this, and was offering a different angle on the issue.