Further note to self:

[featherynscale]

When you embark on reality-tunnel experimentation, please leave yourself a note so that you have a way out.


About a month ago, I started an experiment in living in a vastly different reality from the one I normally choose to inhabit. I was going to be goal-oriented, organize my time, take things seriously, and proceed in a logical, orderly fashion from one step to the next. The point of the experiment had to do with living in the new work environment, and being functional there.

I bought a planner. I wrote things down. I scheduled my activities. I even scheduled the weekends. I built organizational systems at the office - how to track the movement of a job from idea to completed, billable project. I was pro-active, and invested in my ability to get things done. In short, I functioned like an organized, corporate success story.

Interactions were calculated - we pitch this deal this way, and based on what we know about them from the project we did last year, they'll respond in this way.
Clothing became a symbolic gesture: I dressed up when the boss was in the office, down when she wasn't.

Results? Well, on the one hand, I only forgot a handful of things I was supposed to do. On the other, to put it bluntly, this model sucks. There's no time for anything, everything is rushed and stressful, nothing makes any sense, and everything is a big deal. When people behaved in ways the model hadn't predicted, it was devastating. I can't imagine why the bulk of the human race would choose to live this way.

Over the last week or so, this nature of suck boiled up and over. Everything seemed so important. I was getting everything done, but I was worried about every facet of it. I had also forgotten that this was an experiment, which I think is necessary to carrying out the experiment properly. This morning, I posted "expect nothing" - it wasn't a statement of my usual chaoist philosophy, it was a sign that I was giving up, that I couldn't handle things anymore. Then I started to think about it, and remember. silentreality and triadruid reminded me. I'm starting to get my normal headspace back now. I'm feeling a lot better.

I said to triadruid on the phone earlier, "Someone bring me a satchel and a butterfly!" I think I just found them, under my desk. And it's a damned good thing - I think there's a cliff on the horizon.

Comments

organization can be good

[capriciouslass.livejournal.com]

but only to a point. One of the things that getting closer to the 3 of you has taught me is that I was too far off into the organized/scheduled thing. I needed to learn to cut loose more (now there are those that don't like the fact that I'm doing that, but...).
Amusingly enough, now that I'm doing better at letting things slide my one Patron isn't beating me up the side of the head nearly as much. I like this side-effect.

I like your observation that everything is rushed and stressful when you get too highly organized. I feel that way so many days, probably due to the fact that I try to fit too much into each day.

Ya gotta live what works for you. I'm glad you're doing better, though.

[silentreality.livejournal.com]

You inspired my latest post.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Heh - your latest post was something of a doozy. Should I take this as a compliment? Hell, I'm not even sure of what the other option is here.

Anyway, whatever it is that you're trying to figure out, I hope that you get to a point with it where you can function and be happy. I'd say I hope you figure it out, but I find that whenever I've figured it out, usually what I've done is stopped processing. Good luck, anyway.

[silentreality.livejournal.com]

Aye, it was a prompt from reality tunnels, and escaping from them

you see, what your problem is...

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

is that you haven't spent nearly enough time having fun with your favorite faerie. we haven't gone shopping in a dog's year! we must fix that problem STAT!! :)

[liquidfun.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have it figured out. I use too many words for a lot of things ... so I'll do it here too ...

Think of yourself as a child ...

Okay, that was easier than I thought ...

Look at your school schedule ... it has classes, it has time for meals, time for grading, all nice and outlined ... and, what's this? UNSTRUCTURED TIME.

That doesn't mean that can't have some goals for what to do when you aren't doing the necessary stuff, but unstructured time allows you to do somethings not a checklist, and especially not on a schedule.

Schedules create stress ... especially if time is too tightly budgeted. This is why scheduling particular activities for playtime in between worktimes causes huge stress buildups ... you can't "schedule" decompressing, you have to not-schedule a time for decompressing.

That bears repeating:
you have to not-schedule a time for decompressing

*hugglez*

PS - no flirtatious response required ;-)

What he said

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

And yes, I'm listening too. But this is very well said.

[liquidfun.livejournal.com]

"funk" - with an "n" - I really must read the cut label carefully ...

I was just rescanning my friends' page and my eye got caught by a misreading ...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Hehe. No, my recent fuck can be explained by something entirely different. :)