Further note to self:
Jun. 30th, 2004 04:12 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
featherynscaleWhen you embark on reality-tunnel experimentation, please leave yourself a note so that you have a way out.
About a month ago, I started an experiment in living in a vastly different reality from the one I normally choose to inhabit. I was going to be goal-oriented, organize my time, take things seriously, and proceed in a logical, orderly fashion from one step to the next. The point of the experiment had to do with living in the new work environment, and being functional there.
I bought a planner. I wrote things down. I scheduled my activities. I even scheduled the weekends. I built organizational systems at the office - how to track the movement of a job from idea to completed, billable project. I was pro-active, and invested in my ability to get things done. In short, I functioned like an organized, corporate success story.
Interactions were calculated - we pitch this deal this way, and based on what we know about them from the project we did last year, they'll respond in this way.
Clothing became a symbolic gesture: I dressed up when the boss was in the office, down when she wasn't.
Results? Well, on the one hand, I only forgot a handful of things I was supposed to do. On the other, to put it bluntly, this model sucks. There's no time for anything, everything is rushed and stressful, nothing makes any sense, and everything is a big deal. When people behaved in ways the model hadn't predicted, it was devastating. I can't imagine why the bulk of the human race would choose to live this way.
Over the last week or so, this nature of suck boiled up and over. Everything seemed so important. I was getting everything done, but I was worried about every facet of it. I had also forgotten that this was an experiment, which I think is necessary to carrying out the experiment properly. This morning, I posted "expect nothing" - it wasn't a statement of my usual chaoist philosophy, it was a sign that I was giving up, that I couldn't handle things anymore. Then I started to think about it, and remember.![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
silentreality and triadruid reminded me. I'm starting to get my normal headspace back now. I'm feeling a lot better.
I said totriadruid on the phone earlier, "Someone bring me a satchel and a butterfly!" I think I just found them, under my desk. And it's a damned good thing - I think there's a cliff on the horizon.
About a month ago, I started an experiment in living in a vastly different reality from the one I normally choose to inhabit. I was going to be goal-oriented, organize my time, take things seriously, and proceed in a logical, orderly fashion from one step to the next. The point of the experiment had to do with living in the new work environment, and being functional there.
I bought a planner. I wrote things down. I scheduled my activities. I even scheduled the weekends. I built organizational systems at the office - how to track the movement of a job from idea to completed, billable project. I was pro-active, and invested in my ability to get things done. In short, I functioned like an organized, corporate success story.
Interactions were calculated - we pitch this deal this way, and based on what we know about them from the project we did last year, they'll respond in this way.
Clothing became a symbolic gesture: I dressed up when the boss was in the office, down when she wasn't.
Results? Well, on the one hand, I only forgot a handful of things I was supposed to do. On the other, to put it bluntly, this model sucks. There's no time for anything, everything is rushed and stressful, nothing makes any sense, and everything is a big deal. When people behaved in ways the model hadn't predicted, it was devastating. I can't imagine why the bulk of the human race would choose to live this way.
Over the last week or so, this nature of suck boiled up and over. Everything seemed so important. I was getting everything done, but I was worried about every facet of it. I had also forgotten that this was an experiment, which I think is necessary to carrying out the experiment properly. This morning, I posted "expect nothing" - it wasn't a statement of my usual chaoist philosophy, it was a sign that I was giving up, that I couldn't handle things anymore. Then I started to think about it, and remember.
silentreality and triadruid reminded me. I'm starting to get my normal headspace back now. I'm feeling a lot better. I said to
triadruid on the phone earlier, "Someone bring me a satchel and a butterfly!" I think I just found them, under my desk. And it's a damned good thing - I think there's a cliff on the horizon.