And one more thing: Sociology Experiment

[featherynscale]

When triadruid, kittenpants and I were out having dinner last night, we noticed a thing. It seems like when we all go out together, we are almost always asked if we want to split the check. When triadruid and I go out together, we are almost never asked if we want to split the check. When kittenpants and I go out together, we are sometimes asked if we want to split the check, and sometimes not. kittenpants and triadruid did not provide an impression about what happens when they go out together.

We're going to collect some data and see if this is indeed true. It is our hypothesis that the three of us together generally read as "friends hanging out" or "couple taking out a friend or relative", which would perhaps involve check-splitting. If either kittenpants or I are out with triadruid only, we probably read as hetero couples, so less likely to want to split the bill. If kittenpants and I are out together, we figure that in some establishments, they read us as a homosexual couple, and in others, as friends hanging out, so the split or not-split will vary by location.

So tell me, Vast Unpaid Research Department, particularly you other poly folks or others who regularly dine out with more than one other person, are you asked if you want to split the check? What other check behaviours have you noticed as you go out?

Comments

VURD, checking in.

[lexpendragon.livejournal.com]

mullein and myself went to dinner with my sisters, rainhag and ladytaja, and we were asked if we wanted to split the check.

I was out to dinner with my mother Sunday night, where had made it clear the familial relationship to the waitress at some point, and we were never asked about splitting the check.

mullein and I are never asked, but we're usually sitting on the same side of a booth, so it's very clear that we're a romantic couple.

I think it's less a reflection on their estimation of the relationship, and more an idea that if it's only two people odds are good that one is treating the other, or that they'll work it out themselves, three or more and it can get complicated, so the restaurant helps.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

We are never asked if we want separate checks. What it makes this complicated and curious, though, is how often nodeal57 is called "ma'am" by people. Inexplicably, this happens, like, all the time.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

That's a whole other restaurant experiment -- about 40% of the time that the three of us go out together, the waitstaff will address the group of us as "Ladies". :)

[zylch.livejournal.com]

There is little to no splitting of checks over here -- either you pay when you order (pub/takeaway) or they bring a single check and you sort it out amongst yourselves.

[rougewench.livejournal.com]

I haven't eaten out often enough with both of my partners to really have formed an opinion. But I think you are right on most accounts.

When I'm out with just one of them, the question of splitting is never brought up, unless we bring it up.

The thing that bugs me is that invariably, still, waitstaff will give the check to the man I'm with, even after I've been the one to had the person a credit card (they hand it back to the man to sign it).


D.

[project-becky.livejournal.com]

If I eat a burger off the thrift special and they eat the lobster, and we split the check, I will burn with resentment and wake up in the middle of the night with "how dare they" on my lips.

Separate checks keep friends in my world.

[project-becky.livejournal.com]

having read the replies, and then re-reading your post, I realize I totally missed the gist... whoosh on over my head.

No one asks Jim and me if we are together, if we take the sons they sometimes ask, as the guys are grown men types. If we go with friends we tell the waitress before she has a chance to ask, "this will be two, three, whatever checks"

[capriciouslass.livejournal.com]

The thing that bugs me is that invariably, still, waitstaff will give the check to the man I'm with, even after I've been the one to had the person a credit card (they hand it back to the man to sign it).
I've had that happen a lot too; it even happened in Boston. My coworker and I decided to split the meals; he treated at one and I did the other. Even though I handed the waiter the check and my card, the waiter handed it back to my coworker after he'd run it. I'd like to ascribe it to a busy person and habits more than anything else.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Huh, I've not noticed that. At places we go, they seem to tend to give the card to the right person or (more commonly) put the card/check on the table on common ground.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

And about 40% of those times, they never bother to correct themselves. ;)

[karinablack.livejournal.com]

Every time we go out, the check is handed to my husband.

Der- like I give HIM control of the finances... Geez people.

This happens even if I have the card out, in hand, pointed at the waiter. MUST it go through the male of the species for final approval?!

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

I don't think we've ever been asked if we wanted to split the check.

Then again, I don't recall ever being asked that in any party, so my sample may be flawed. Perhaps the waitstaff here have different protocols.

[ysabel.livejournal.com]

Interestingly, when the three of us are out together, I am often handed the check (at least when I am intending to pay). I must project something.

(I mostly don't count the places where we are regulars, where they almost always look at me first, and if I shake my head, they hand it to my husband, because they know us well enough to know our patterns.)

[karinablack.livejournal.com]

Remind me to get you to ask me out sometime LOL!

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

I think it varies depending on the type of establishment too. For example, if it's a restaurant where one the Big Deals is excellent service, then the servers tend to devote a bit more attention to the whole thing (which would include being tactful about payment at attentive to relationship dynamics). If it's a place where the Big Deal is how fast or cheap everything is, then you tend to get the attention you pay for.

But, then again, it's not something I ever really pay attention to, so your mileage probably varies. :)

[liquidfun.livejournal.com]

I've never been asked by a server, when out with any group, if the check should be split. I have no idea why that would be ...

[capriciouslass.livejournal.com]

Well, if it's my card, when the wait staff brings it back I simply hold my hand up to take the receipt thingy. They then hand it to me. It's a simple way to get past that awkwardness.

[kellan-m-solan.livejournal.com]

Way late to this conversation, but for the record. When I worked at Buca di Beppo (crappy italian chain) we went for common ground, middle of the table placement. Check splitting was by request only. I can think of a number of times when I fielded couched rebuffs from male patrons for NOT having handed it to them. By contrast, when I was at Ralph's in Philadelphia (the oldest family owned italian restaurant in the states) I was specifically instructed to leave the check with the oldest gentleman at table. We fully realized that this would be wrong at least as often as it was right. Tradition being what it is though, it was thought to be what the client would expect and therefore the polite thing. It was done as a courtesy to the gentleman, not a slight towards the ladies. Everyone seemed to share our understanding as I never once had a complaint (oblique or otherwise). Not sure what that says about the issue but data is data.

Myself, I'm part of a group of six friends who are in fact three couples. We're all individually friendly though so we end up out as mixed groups or trios fairly often. I've only had a few patterns jump out at me, the strongest being that if I am out with women, no matter how many, I will ALWAYS get the check at a mexican restaurant. From El Maguey (cheap) the Pueblo Solis (less cheap). I suppose the isn't surprising given the culture. Generally, if out with another guy and a girl, the guy who appears to be 'with' the girl gets the check. Two couples get offered a split even if there aren't any indications of couple-hood other than numbers. If out with my little brother and a group I get the check (I suppose because I seem to be a father). If out with my mother, she gets the check... almost always. If out with the family my grandfather gets the check more often than not. If out with either grandparent alone, I get the check.