Burning question of the day.

[featherynscale]

I'm having a conversation with lexpendragon about "stuff". How much stuff do you need? How much do you have around even though you don't need it? I'm in a pretty loose phase about stuff right now. My general tendency is to minimize the stuff, but at the moment, I'm living in a house that also serves as a prop and costume closet, a working art and jewelry studio, and a gathering-place for several groups. This all contributes to a vastly increased level of 'stuff' about. Still, I do the best I can. (Note: I never count books in my considerations of stuff I don't need. All books automatically make the cut.)

One of the places that I fall down in my quest to minimize the useless stuff is with gifts. Of course, people give you things that you wouldn't buy yourself. That's the whole point of gifts. And many people give me things that fit very well into my concept of things I need or can use, which is great. On the other hand, some people, notably my mother, give me lots of 'home decor' sorts of knick-knacky things, which aren't really good for anything, except making the place look nice, and even if you count that as useful (I waver on the subject), there's only so much stuff you can have out making the place look nice before the trick begins to backfire, and the place begins to look cluttered.

And once someone gives me a thing, I keep it. I will keep it forever (or until I can't remember who gave it to me, which is Like The Same Thing), in large part because I don't want to hurt the feelings of the person who gave it to me. Or because it makes me think of the person who gave it to me. Either way, it's there, and I will never get rid of it.

Also, I am told on a regular basis that my model of what is and is not offensive to other people is way off the mark most of the time. If that's true, it may be true that getting rid of gifts is not necessarily going to offend people at all. Hence the poll. Please drop a vote, if you would. Also, obviously, the answers are somewhat broader categories than they may seem, and still cannot possibly cover the entire realm of human behavior, so I would deeply appreciate it if people who wished to vote would choose the response closest to their actual feelings on the subject. Thanks.

[Poll #913235]

Comments

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I went with "Maybe. It would depend on why you threw it out." for the first one, though the true response is something along the lines of "Maybe, if you had a good reason", and of course if throwing it away includes regifting.

On regifting, I would prefer not to know the person it ends up with if it's something I might recognize later (things like CDs, books, and computer parts are not recognizable; things like clothes, knicknacks, and art are). Maybe that's hypocritical with the answer on Q1, but it makes for less drama/questions that even need to be considered.

[liquidfun.livejournal.com]

While I'd like to think that I believe "No, I gave it to you, it's yours to do with as you please", the honest answer is the one I put down, "Maybe, it depends on why you threw it out". I think.

It's not that I would be offended if anybody I gave a gift to threw it out, it's more that I'd more than likely be disappointed that I screwed up so badly in choosing a gift.

Of course, for some people I currently have problems in that department anyway because I can't give something TOO personal, or TOO expensive, or TOO meaningful, because it would make that person uncomfortable, which limits gift giving options a bit.

I need a less complicated set of relationships, %^(& it!

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Regifting it wouldn't bug me as much as throwing it out, but then I usually do gifts that are targeted to the person I gave them to. And me giving gifts is rare because of precisely the 'stuff overflow' issue you mention. If I made you a fitted chainmaille halter top for your birthday (that you had made a lot of noise about wanting) then it would be odd to see it 'thrown away'. On the other hand, if it was a $20 Target gift card, who cares? Gift cards hit that line between "thoughtful gift" and "thought to get you a gift". IMHO.

If I ever give you a knick-knack, feel free to re-gift. It is probably something that I regifted myself.

The irony here is that this post very closely mirrors the largess discussion form armor night last week. What the hell do you do with 25 years of gifts to the baronage? YARD SALE!

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

I realize once you give someone a gift it's supposed to be theirs, so the answer should be, no, it's yours...however- if I gave someone something expensive and yet useful, like I gave my mom the digital camera, and she didn't want it, I'd like right of first refusal on having it back. I suppose that makes me selfish but there it is.

As for stuff and having to much, even my little packrat heart is going "OMG, I am living in dawn of the dead-crap" our stuff is eating my house, it's insane. I'm trying to force myself, and Jim, to get rid of some stuff.

[capriciouslass.livejournal.com]

It's not that I would be offended if anybody I gave a gift to threw it out, it's more that I'd more than likely be disappointed that I screwed up so badly in choosing a gift.

Just what I was thinking...

[ysathora.livejournal.com]

About the clutter thing, you can always do what I do. I have most of my "decor" put away in plastic bins. Every so often I switch the displayed items out with different stuff.

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

As someone who lives in a compressed space with a roommate, I fully appreciate that you only have so much space for gifts, particularly useless stuff. I'm nearing maximum density for DVDs and have past maximum density for books.

And yet, I'm the high bidder on this 11" Lulu figure from Final Fantasy X at eBay. I know exactly where she'll go, but it's a totally impractical purchase.

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

past=passed

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Honey, if you made me a fitted chainmail halter top, it would not be regifted :-P Number one, I've always wanted one, and number two, if it fit me, there's nobody else I know that it would even come close to fitting. I have the weirdest proportions ever.

Also, I will keep in mind that you are a knick-knack regifter. That sort of thing is important to know :)

[womanofsalt.livejournal.com]

I have to admit to falling under the "wouldn't gift you" catagory, but I feel compelled to speak. I wouldn't care what you did with a gift I gave you, whether you pitched it, donated it, or regifted it. I feel this way for everyone I gift to. Husband asked to regift something I gave him, I wrapped it for him to regift. If it is not serving you, let it serve somewhere else is my motto.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

I have the Southern belle knee-jerk reaction first, and then once I think about it, I'm not arsed really. It's an odd mix of "How rude," and "That's okay" at the same time.

[zylch.livejournal.com]

While I'm not particularly bothered if you regift things I give you, I will ask the following since you've expressed near-critical-mass: Eventually I will make it up to Wales, and I was thinking that if I saw something small and amusingly Welsh-pride, I would get it for you. Would you in fact like such a thing and be amused by having it? Or would you prefer that I take a photo and email it to you saying "This could have been yours?"

fionnabhar is totally getting an imported cornish pasty when I come back, though, even if it will be a day old by the time I can get it to her. I've found that they're still acceptable two days after purchase.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Squee!

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

To date I think the whole trinity has only gotten two gifts from me in the past half-decade. Both were pretty well thought out.

I keep threatening to make chainmail halters, but I don't have much time. Perhaps someday. It's not a second income plan as much as it is simply an engineering challenge. I know -no one- with normal proportions (that would like a chainmaille halter). Halters are easier than bikinis because it does not suggest 'support'. THAT is an engineering feat in itself.

[infintysquared.livejournal.com]

Someday I have to meet up with you guys, and make pasties from my Yooper ancestry recipe book. Mmm, pasties. The things that make Turnip a properly edible foodstuff.

Re: gifts

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

It also rather depends on what the gift was. If it was something intensely personal, it would be a bigger deal than if it was a commercial CD or something.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

If you feel compelled to buy me something, I would prefer that it be either small, or useful, or consumable. I am deeply amused by the whole Welsh pride concept, though. A photo of crazy Welsh people doing crazy Welsh things is just as good :)

Feng Shui perspective

[celticwhistlin.livejournal.com]

I look at "things" from this perspective:

If you don't love it, get rid of it. If it is something that has negative connotation to it, it doesn't belong in your sphere of existence because all it is going to do is re-enforce negative energies.

Things left over from broken relationships (especially if they continue to remind you of that situation, maybe not the person as they may still be a friend).

I tell everyone, when you are looking at your "things" to look at them like this. Walk in a room and focus on the first thing you see. What are the immediate thoughts and feelings that *you* associate with that item. Evaluate those thoughts and feelings and decide if they are things you want to foster or eliminate. If you want to eliminate them, then the *thing* needs to go away.

The same idea applies to neutral items (especially if you already state that things are cluttered). If it doesn't add, it detracts!

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Interesting that nobody took you up on the extreme options of either question. Implies that there's a lot more variation in the middle, eh?

[lexpendragon.livejournal.com]

Well, plenty of people said 'no'.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

That's what I was going to say! The fourth option represents an opt-out of the question, not either extreme of the curve.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Not really -- as Lex mentions below, a lot of people said no. Also, I expect that in this crowd that we don't have a lot of hardcore black-or-white types...