Keepin' 'em guessing, and the inevitable question of etiquette

[featherynscale]

Conversation of the day at the office:

EVIL VP (to Friendly Sales Guy): I'll just have [Shortened form of my name] take care of that for you.
EVIL VP shuts his door.
FSG (to me): You know, I think, until you tell me otherwise, I think I'll stick with [Full version of my name, which I, of course, prefer].
ME: I appreciate that. I really prefer [Full version]. At least, until I have my operations. Then, I'll thank you to call me Mike.
FSG stares.
ME: Or, you know, until I change my last name to something with more than one syllable. Then you can call me [Short Form]. Or Mike. Either one.
FSG stares.
ME: I just need to decide on the new last name. I've been thinking about Von Doom. But I think that's taken already.
And then, more staring. It must be Monday, because the sense of humor has gone steadily downhill since about 1:00.

Anyway, I also need an etiquette check, if you all would be so kind. I've been thinking about what to do for my birthday party, which is coming up here. Masked orgies were suggested, but I really think that's impractical until we finish remodeling the basement. Last year, I had a Boys in Eyeliner party, but that's sort of discriminatory, which is not cool. I still want boys in eyeliner though, I just want everybody to have a chance to dress up. So I was thinking about having some sort of gender-bending costume party, and ask everyone to come as some gender orientation other than the one they usually project. Could be drag, could be androgyne, could be just a different take on things, girls who are normally butch coming in frilly prom dresses, that sort of thing. I think this would be fun. However, I am aware that most people in the world probably don't think of gender as something you play with (either because That Sort Of Thing Is Unnatural or because Gender Struggles Are Serious Business And Don't You Dare Mock My Pain). So, do you think this would be offensive?

Comments

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

I'm highly offended. I'll have to come naked.

Good call.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Sure. Venue has yet to be decided. I imagine that if a sizeable portion of people want to come naked, we could have the party at the house... that does get back into the basement problem though.

I'm wit-challenged today.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

But I think you've pretty thoroughly weeded out the folks in your social circles who can't swing with that sort of thing (pun unintentional, but tres stylish, non?)

And your party last year wasn't at all discriminatory. After all, I could have arrived dressed as a boy in eyeliner, right? My only preference for this year's party is a sincere desire for it to be scheduled on a Friday evening, when we're more likely to be able to get a babysitter and have both of us attend. Barring that, I promise we'll gender-bend for your birthday pleasure at some other agreeable time.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

There are friends I have that would think it very cool, and those who wouldn't think it was cool at all. I think the offensiveness (sp?) scale really depends on who you're asking and how well you know them. I'd totally stick on a fake beard, stick a sock in my pants, and have a great time... but it really depends on who you want to invite.

Friday

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Um... I think we could probably do it on Friday. I mean, how often do you have the chance to get you and your lovely husband to a party at the same time?
I think that is Games Night, though...

And I always think that people will be cool with things, but it frequently turns out that somebody isn't, for whatever reason, and then it's bad. Or, that everybody at the event is cool with the event, but we get notes from concerned Catholics who think we're mocking the priesthood and stuff. I'm not making fun of anybody's gender choices or dress styles, or anything. I just think it's fun to have people do things they don't normally do and shift the paradigms a little bit.

Re: Good call.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Actually naked isn't likely to happen this lifetime. Someone might see me naked, you know. The only trouble I foresee is for those of us who are borderline girly to begin with. I can't imagine anyone particularly noticing it one way or the other if I came all butched up or in a frilly prom dress. I'm at a loss here.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Go study your math.

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

Personally...I think it would be grand and glorious!

Hopefully you do not have friends who would really be offended...you don't do you?

I mean, I'd bend for you in a heartbeat!!

So, when's this amazing shin-dig? I think I'm booked until September...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Ummm... will be either the 19th or the 20th of August. The actual official birthday is the 20th.

Like I said to saffronhare, I always think people will be okay with things, but this theory continues to be incorrect occasionally, so I thought it would be worth asking.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

My living room is clean.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

I can't tell you the trouble I've gotten into assuming people will be okay with things:) Lol

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Good times. Since I don't know you all that well yet, I really appreciate your opinion -- when you hang out with the same crowd all the time, you get to know their expectations and issues, but you can start to forget that there might be norms other than yours, you know?

I'll post more specific detail as I think of it...

Re: Good call.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I think you would be very exciting in a frilly prom dress. Or, you know, a lumberjack outfit. Or whatever. :)

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

There always has to be someone who's not ok...how else will we know that we can't please all the people all the time. Please yourself and let the rest of us figure it out!!

And crap!! I'm not here so I will have to bend waaaay over to get you b-day wishes ;)

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Hey now. No persecution in the comments thread. She knows she's supposed to be studying. :)

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

No Star for party? V. Sad.
Are you going somewhere exciting?

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Just practicing.

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

I'm camping for the weekend and there will be a bar out at the campsite which I will be working. So a bar wenching I will be!!

Toasts a-plenty will be happening in your honor!

[malvito.livejournal.com]

I'm not offended by anything.

Well, OK, I am offended by the fact that right-wing radio personalities are not tortured and dismembered with their heads displayed on pikes in a public forum, but, other than that ...

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Oh, so there's going to be entertainment at the party, too?

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, I am occasionally reminded what I find funny, others do not, or what I find inoffensive, others do not.

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

I don't have any problems with gender-bending, or orientation-bending, except for the part where I'm not any good at it.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

And the part where your commute is hell.

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

Huh?

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

To get to the party.