Strange Travel Suggestions Are Dancing Lessons From God

[featherynscale]

Let it be known, my mother gives me nightmares. All of them have to do with etiquette, and many of them have to do with career advancement, marriage, or reproduction (which are all favorite subjects of hers). So of course, speaking to her yesterday caused me to dream a dream in which she quietly and politely ripped me a new back orifice for attending my wedding dressed like Dave Lister from Red Dwarf.

But that's not the point of the story. The point of the story is that she wants to come up for a visit. This sounds like approximately as much fun for all of us as having our toenails slowly and delilberately detached from our toes. So I try to deflect her, because I know that her coming into my home will make everyone uncomfortable. But you can't protect someone from something that you know they don't want to know about by telling them "I'm trying to protect you from something I know you'd rather not know about" -- that never works.

So instead, I say, "There's nothing to do in Kansas City - why don't we all go somewhere else instead." This seems to be well-recieved, but leaves me with the burden of finding somewhere that we can go for a weekend or so. We, in this case, might mean anything from me and my mother to me, my other two thirds, my mother, my dad, my grandparents, and other assorted relatives.

Yeargh.

Comments

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

But you look great in your t-shirt with only two curry stains on it!

[kittenpants.livejournal.com]

But what we really all want to know is, did you have the early-season dreadlocks, or the late-season buzz cut?

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

And was your right buttock spray painted black?

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Neither - but I did have the cap.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I don't know - I mean, I can't see my ass in real life, let alone in dreams.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Have any of the combinations of people above been to Hannibal, Missouri? It's pretty cool if you're into Mark Twain. Other than that, my only idea is "Visit Rock City," which is also pretty cool, if it comes to that.

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

NOLA!! take them all to NOLA!! that way you can get drunk off yer arse and not care what she is telling you about job, marriage, or children. ;)

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

something closer to home branson, mo.
there's tons to do in branson.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Good call.

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

Girls from the Dwarf...

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Mr. Flibble is very cross with featherynscale's mother.

Not having been to Branson...

[niveus-tigris.livejournal.com]

I would say something like: Lake of the Ozarks (plenty of remote wilderness to dump bodies) or Hot Springs, Arkansas. There is actually an amusement park there, many places to sit and soak in the hot springs, a nice little downtown shopping area and it is harder to accidentally run into members of The Whistling Wilburys...most of whom actually whistle through the plentiful gaps in their teeth. To me, Branson = a resort town for hillbillies. People who have actually been there are welcome to correct me if my information is incorrect. Aside from that, be well and remember that if you kill someone in your dreams, they won't know it.