Grr. Arg. Feh.

I began the biannual ritual of getting my tags this afternoon. This is a black art, but I am willing to reveal its secrets to those fortunate enough not to live in the state of Missouri and have to be initiated into this ridiculous procedure.

1. You pay your personal property taxes. That's right. On your Car. Every Year. 10% of your car's value, every year.
2. You get your car inspected for all sorts of "safety" issues, really important ones. I failed my first ever Missouri inspection because the tint on my front windows was too dark. That's how important these things are. I could have been shielded from the sun! But fortunately, the state saved me.
3. You find your car title and your proof of insurance.
4. You take your property tax reciepts, your inspection sheet, your title, and your insurance card, and go to the DMV.
5. You pay the DMV money, and they review your documents, and then, if you are a good little boy, they give you a shiny sticker for your plates.

Almost all of these things must be done within the hours of 8-5, Monday-Friday, so you will be taking off at least one day of work to get this done. It is the Law. So I took the afternoon off to start the process, but I will not be getting my little happy stickers any time soon. For Lo, my property tax bill on my $1500 piece-of-shit car is $425. And Lo, Also, the nice people at the service station tell me that my brakes are shot, the pads so thin that they cannot be measured by mortal man, and so I cannot pass inspection. They will be happy to fix my brakes for $250. I declined, since I know that a brake pad replacement is $45 worth of parts and 45 minutes worth of labor. At standard rates, that comes up to a little more than half the price quoted. The service guy expressed a profound wish that I would avoid slamming on brakes on the way home, in the hopes but not the certainty that by doing so, I could avoid Flaming Highway Death.

So I can afford to pay either to have the brakes fixed, or to pay my taxes this month, but not both. So maybe I can get my car legal again in December. Or January. The plates only expired in September. Grr.

Grr. Arg. Feh.

I began the biannual ritual of getting my tags this afternoon. This is a black art, but I am willing to reveal its secrets to those fortunate enough not to live in the state of Missouri and have to be initiated into this ridiculous procedure.

1. You pay your personal property taxes. That's right. On your Car. Every Year. 10% of your car's value, every year.
2. You get your car inspected for all sorts of "safety" issues, really important ones. I failed my first ever Missouri inspection because the tint on my front windows was too dark. That's how important these things are. I could have been shielded from the sun! But fortunately, the state saved me.
3. You find your car title and your proof of insurance.
4. You take your property tax reciepts, your inspection sheet, your title, and your insurance card, and go to the DMV.
5. You pay the DMV money, and they review your documents, and then, if you are a good little boy, they give you a shiny sticker for your plates.

Almost all of these things must be done within the hours of 8-5, Monday-Friday, so you will be taking off at least one day of work to get this done. It is the Law. So I took the afternoon off to start the process, but I will not be getting my little happy stickers any time soon. For Lo, my property tax bill on my $1500 piece-of-shit car is $425. And Lo, Also, the nice people at the service station tell me that my brakes are shot, the pads so thin that they cannot be measured by mortal man, and so I cannot pass inspection. They will be happy to fix my brakes for $250. I declined, since I know that a brake pad replacement is $45 worth of parts and 45 minutes worth of labor. At standard rates, that comes up to a little more than half the price quoted. The service guy expressed a profound wish that I would avoid slamming on brakes on the way home, in the hopes but not the certainty that by doing so, I could avoid Flaming Highway Death.

So I can afford to pay either to have the brakes fixed, or to pay my taxes this month, but not both. So maybe I can get my car legal again in December. Or January. The plates only expired in September. Grr.