Letter to Disney Corporation, and new quiz

Disney Corp.
Theme Park Division

Dear Sirs:

The last time I visited the Magic Kingdom, it came to my attention that the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea attraction had been removed from the park. I applaud this move, as I thought this was a fairly crappy ride even as a kid, but I beg you not to abandon the concept entirely. In fact, I have a few suggestions as to how you might bring this charming classic into the modern age.

Most of my suggestions have to do with the attack by the giant squid. I think that the placement of the squid in the original ride was all wrong. I mean, you get in the submarine, you look outside the window (yeah, I'm willing to suspend the disbelief on that one. Sue me, I'm a sucker for Verne.) and there it is - giant squid off menacing in the distance. Then, giant squid closer. The guide says "Oh, don't worry about the giant squid". So by the time your vehicle is actually attacked by the giant squid, you're so bored with the giant squid that it's unimpressive, ineffectual.

What you ought to do with the giant squid is this: keep pimping the giant squid concept throughout the ride, and never actually attack the submarine with the giant squid. Ever. Make everybody afraid of a squid attack that never happens. I know, this sounds like a dull ride, but I think you could fill in the space with something else - perhaps the sub could get sucked into a giant clam, or bludgeoned by oversized hammerheads, something like that.

But here's the real genius of the plan. Picture it: you're getting off the ride, going "What the hell? What about the giant squid? They said there would be giant squid! This is the lamest ride ever!", and then, suddenly, you turn a corner in the exit line and BLAM! Giant squid. It heaves its monstrous bulk up onto the shore of the lagoon, grabs the "tour guide" fellow, and drags him screaming into the depths, never to be heard from again. Hell. You could skip the submarine part and just have periodic giant squid attacks on "tourists" employed by the company who just happen to be strolling along the shores of the lagoon.

That would be badass.

Sincerely,
Me.


* * * * *

Oh yeah. I have a new friend test up for your perusal. It's all observational, so if you don't know me in the three-dimensional world, you're unlikely to do very well. Sorry.

This one is all to test diermuid's assertion that we know more about each other's nows than each other's thens. Let's find out, shall we?

Letter to Disney Corporation, and new quiz

Disney Corp.
Theme Park Division

Dear Sirs:

The last time I visited the Magic Kingdom, it came to my attention that the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea attraction had been removed from the park. I applaud this move, as I thought this was a fairly crappy ride even as a kid, but I beg you not to abandon the concept entirely. In fact, I have a few suggestions as to how you might bring this charming classic into the modern age.

Most of my suggestions have to do with the attack by the giant squid. I think that the placement of the squid in the original ride was all wrong. I mean, you get in the submarine, you look outside the window (yeah, I'm willing to suspend the disbelief on that one. Sue me, I'm a sucker for Verne.) and there it is - giant squid off menacing in the distance. Then, giant squid closer. The guide says "Oh, don't worry about the giant squid". So by the time your vehicle is actually attacked by the giant squid, you're so bored with the giant squid that it's unimpressive, ineffectual.

What you ought to do with the giant squid is this: keep pimping the giant squid concept throughout the ride, and never actually attack the submarine with the giant squid. Ever. Make everybody afraid of a squid attack that never happens. I know, this sounds like a dull ride, but I think you could fill in the space with something else - perhaps the sub could get sucked into a giant clam, or bludgeoned by oversized hammerheads, something like that.

But here's the real genius of the plan. Picture it: you're getting off the ride, going "What the hell? What about the giant squid? They said there would be giant squid! This is the lamest ride ever!", and then, suddenly, you turn a corner in the exit line and BLAM! Giant squid. It heaves its monstrous bulk up onto the shore of the lagoon, grabs the "tour guide" fellow, and drags him screaming into the depths, never to be heard from again. Hell. You could skip the submarine part and just have periodic giant squid attacks on "tourists" employed by the company who just happen to be strolling along the shores of the lagoon.

That would be badass.

Sincerely,
Me.


* * * * *

Oh yeah. I have a new friend test up for your perusal. It's all observational, so if you don't know me in the three-dimensional world, you're unlikely to do very well. Sorry.

This one is all to test diermuid's assertion that we know more about each other's nows than each other's thens. Let's find out, shall we?