Bad things, man. Bad things.

[featherynscale]

Back in September, I kicked a camp cot frame. I caught it just at the wrong angle, and it tore off half of my big toenail. This would have been bad enough, but now that the toenail is again approaching normal toenail size, it's growing in funny and painful. And *that* would be bad enough, but now the skin around the nail is infected, due to constant digs from the odd-shaped nail.

I think I'm going to have to go to the doctor. For my goddamned big toe. Ridiculous. And he'll give me antibiotics. And I'll take them, and forget that you can't do oral antibiotics with birth control, and end up spawning, and kittenpants and triadruid will kick me out of the house for breeding, and I'll move to a rathole in some other city, and be alone and bitter, and my kid will learn bitterness and hate, and will grow up to be a supervillain, who will destroy the universe. That would suck.

Or, I don't do anything about it, and the toe later has to be amputated, and I spend the rest of my life a toeless freak, continually lurching forward on my left foot and never being able to buy proper shoes again. Also untenable.

Stupid toe. *sigh*

Also, for your consideration, a dream:
I'm on vacation with kittenpants and triadruid in Orlando. For some reason, chaosdruid and niveus_tigris live there, and Mikey the Pirate is living in a town about two hours away by train. We have arrived in the evening, and are looking for something to eat, and then we are going to try to go to a theme park for a few hours. By the time we're done with dinner, kittenpants has gotten ill. She tells triadruid and I to go ahead and go, she'll just go over to chaosdruid's house and sleep for a while.

So we go to some sort of park that you have to ride on a big flume ride in order to get into the park. We duck the guards at the gate, and get on the ride. We go through and get to the park, now soaking wet. Mikey is there, and he talks us into going back to his house, so after a little bit, we leave the park and get on a train.

We ride the train to Mikey's, and end up sleeping over. The next day, we get up and are ready to go back, but triadruid refuses to go back. I tell him, "We have to go back, that's where kittenpants is. We have to go get her." He refuses, visibly shaking. I ask him what's wrong. He tells me he doesn't like it there. I ask why. He says, "All those people dressed up, all those strange things. I want to look at them, but if I look, I'll stare."

I look at him oddly. "But," I say, "If they're dressed up, they want to be looked at. I think that's okay." He blinks a few times. The conversation goes on in this manner for a while, me reassuring him that it was okay, essentially, to be a tourist. I'm very frustrated with him. I start to cry. "It's one thing that kittenpants was sick - she can't help that. But you, you're just being no fun!". At this, he becomes sympathetic and agrees to at least get back on the train.

We walk to the train station, just as the train is arriving. The doors open, and a troupe of Folies Bergere showgirls get out. I have time to wonder whether it's okay for him to stare at *them*, and then I wake up.

Comments

[gamera-spinning.livejournal.com]

A couple of years ago I managed to catch my thumb in my truck door while I was closing it. Don't ask me how - I chalk it up to stupidity. Anyhow, the nail was mashed bad, it changed colors and eventually a new nail re-grew correctly underneath. I literally had to remove the old bruised nail, bit by bit. It took a few months to heal. It's been good ever since. Looks and feels fine.

It couldn't hurt to see a doctor.

Well..

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you're only mildly cranky. I'd hate to see what it's like when you get really worked up.

Have you considered the options for non-dctor related antibacterial care? Something herbal/supplemental, or topical/OTC?

I bet you know someone who can help you out of this terrible dilemma. If, you know, you want them to. :)

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Wow. I have to admit that I'm relieved not to appear in your dreams, or to have people I know show up in my own very often.

As for your big toe, well. We could always take you out back and shoot you...

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

I've gotta say, I just love looking at you in that user picture. Makes me smile every time.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Do you think you could take me out back and shoot the toe? I think that's really the best course of action here.

Re: Well..

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Actually, I cleaned the area out this morning with peroxide and applied the last of my neosporin to it, before covering it with gauze and taping it up. I'm sure that it will not kill me and that everything will be fine, I'm just not looking forward to having to continually mess with it for the next several weeks. Not to mention that it was really gross. But I think I'll live.

*stamps his foot*

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

No! There's a shortage of perfect feet in this world...it'd be a pity to damage yours.

Permanently, anyway...

Re: *stamps his foot*

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

That's what really offends me about the whole thing, you know. I'm very vain about my feet. I really think they're my best feature. Except that now one of them is monstrously deformed.
Dammit.
*cries, writes weepy poetry about demise of feet*

[hobbitblue.livejournal.com]

How about a chiropodist? (nurse-like person who looks after feet, clips the nails of the elderly etc, not a doctor - in case you don't call them by the same name)

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

The toenail sounds ingrown. I dig mine out with various knives and nail files. The alternative (what the military docs do) was ripping off the toenail. I think they use anesthesia, but I could be wrong. I know it sucked big time.

If it helps, you can use anusol or some other lidocaine gel on your toe to help with the digging out. I have tried that once, but it made my flesh carving a bit wild, so I stick to normal endorphines for pain killing now.

To add a surreal touch...

[niveus-tigris.livejournal.com]

Did I mention that I have several relatives in Florida? But, they live in or near Cocoa Beach, not Orlando.

Although I do think you have nice feet, your personality far outshines any previously cute toe you may have had. Having the toenail removed or having part of it cut away may help get it back to some semblance of normalcy. Until then, be sure to take good care of it and find a good pair of padded slippers so you don't kick any chair legs as you go about the house. Dogs also like to step on injured toes, so be wary.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I usually do the same thing, but this time, due to method of previous ripping, I have no leverage with which to work. Also, I can't see the piece that's causing the problem. I may have to have someone else make a go of it, but there aren't a lot of people that I am prepared to ask to perform minor surgery on me, you know?

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

Yeah... I'm not real comfy with altering other either. The kids I don't mind, but then they are loin muffins, so it's like operating on a piece of me that was broken off anf grown in a petri dish.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Oddly, or perhaps not so oddly, if I were to make a list of people I'd trust to cut me for medical purposes, you'd be in the top three, I think.

Re: To add a surreal touch...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

As it happens, I'm going with the "gauze wrap of DOOM" method for the moment, and that seems to be working pretty well. Removing the nail seems to be a popular suggestion at the moment, but I'm not sure I can live without a toenail.

*thinking*

What are toenails for, anyway? Do they do anything?

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

::grin:: thanks. I wonder, is that because I am talented with leather? Or because I am cold, calculating, and analytical? Or because as much as you see me, if I were to muck it up you wouldn't have to be reminded of the experience except at every third potluck? ::grin::

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Actually, because you're a generally competent bastard, and are ex-Military, which to me suggests some experience in performing medical procedures you're not trained for and an ability to look at disgusting bleeding things without getting flustered. Also because you're horrendously good with tools.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure that's a separate profession over here... research is required.

Re: To add a surreal touch...

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

They protect the sensitive part of the toe-tip, but I think they are simply the remnants of claws. Of course that sounds like an evolution theory, so I'll give the creationism equivalent -

Your tonails are there because God wants you to stop & pay attention to the little things that carry you through life on occasion. (your feet).

Re: To add a surreal touch...

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Here's what I suggest, after way too many years of toenail pain from ballet, cross-country running and army boots:

1. Soak in lots of warm water with epsom salts. Good excuse for a bath, too, I suppose.

2. Use a flat, sterile instrument to lift the nail and then clip away whatever is loose.

3. Douse liberally with hydrogen peroxide (or whiskey) and apply whatever topical antibiotic is handy (or honey).

4. Avoid too much gauze wrapping. Open-toe slippers or sneakers with the toe-box cut out will protect your feet while allowing air flow and preventing restriction of blood flow. Flow is your friend.

5. Repeat this procedure every 24-48 hours.

If it doesn't start to get better by Monday, then you really do need to see a podiatrist/chiropodist.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Very fair of you, sir. Very fair.

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

LOl, ex-military, father of children... but require you do be calm and rational in the face of the extraordinary. Did you hear that I had to remove a fly from Kieran's eyeball last week? Pretty wild stuff that boy gets himself into. ::grin::

Thanks for the ego stroking... it's been a while. ;-) I could also add that as tired as I am right now, I'm still MUCH better rested than the avg hosptial intern.

Re: To add a surreal touch...

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

They protect the end-points of lots of capillaries and nerves, too. Which is why they bleed like heck.

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

if of all you need to get your toe taken care of.
2ndly am i wrong or have you had this dream before?
i'm pretty sure you have had this dream before. i remember every thing you said, saw, etc...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've had this dream before. I don't remember it, anyway.

Maybe you dreamed that I had told you this dream. Or maybe you dreamed this dream, and just thought it was me. *shrug* It's all so metaphysical... *cues the woowoo music*

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

or maybe i was there but you don't remember. i could have been the mickey in the costume. it's just weird though. i am worned out this morning like i was up running around all night so who knows.

[kittenpants.livejournal.com]

I remember another dream about having to get into [insert location here] via a flume ride... but now I don't remember id that was your dream or mine.

Re: To add a surreal touch...

[diermuid.livejournal.com]

I think the capillaries and nerves would not be right in the nail bed if nails were not there. But yeah... the backs of the fingers are REEEEEAL touchy when the nails -aren't- there.

The biggest reason I do not fight polearm (one of my fave weapons) is because fingers tend to get smashed. Eek!

Oh and...

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

I reserve the right not to stare at Folies Bergere girls. Especially if I'm with you and kittenpants.

Re: Oh and...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Suit yourself. I afford you the right to not look at better-looking girls than me any time you want to. :-P

Re: Oh and...

[duane-kc.livejournal.com]

I hate to contradict a lady, but I fear that I have caught you in an error. Better-looking women than you and kittenpants simply do not exist.