Yeargh.

[featherynscale]

Let me join today's parade of the disaffected just for a little bit here.

I'm playing the game right now of preparing to be laid off. Some time between this Friday and the end of May, I'll be out of a job. Nobody will tell me when. So I'm trying to get ready to go at any moment.

Part of that is the old spiffing-up-the-resume, prepping-for-the-interviews dance. It's come to my attention recently that all the sharp interview clothes I used to have either have fallen apart, or no longer fit, or are so out of style as to be laughable (which I only care about in the context of interviewing; in order to present the appearance of good corporate drone, one must also present the appearance of good consumer).

So triadruid went with me on Saturday to buy a new interview suit. Sadly, the trip was fruitless, as apparently no matter how much weight I put on, I will still always be several sizes larger on the top than I am on the bottom. I tried on outfit after outfit, only to find that the pants were too big and the jackets were too small. Apparently, if I wish to have professional-looking clothes, I will have to either buy them very very large and have them tailored down to fit, or make friends with someone with similar tastes in clothing who is significantly larger in the bottom half than the top half and trade.

I think I really only loathe my body when I have to buy clothes to fit on it. Apparently, there is a shape that people are supposed to be, and I'm not it. I can usually approximate by buying women's tops and men's pants, but even that's not a guarantee. More manifestations of my neither/nor sort of gender, I suppose.

Also, I've been reading an essay book about genderqueerness, and other forms of alternate gender presentation, which has been interesting, but also weird to me. The weird is possibly because I really don't feel political about my lack of gender, and other people who experience gender differently than the average bear seem to be *very* political about their gender experience. Or maybe it's only people who write about it. I don't know. And too, a lot of these authors are people whose gender issues were a lot more alarming to them than mine are to me. I mean, some of these folks went and had surgery about it, which is cool, but not the road I want to go down. I just can't envision a way that they could cut me apart or put me together that would make my body match my brain any better. Although, I suppose if they cut off my tits, it would be a lot easier to buy a suit. :-/