I love/hate science fiction.

[featherynscale]

So, I'm reading this book called Mockymen. It's not a good book. Let's leave aside for the moment the fact that the author took all that writing advice about showing, not telling, and decided it was so much crap. Let's also leave aside the fact that it appears to have plot enough for several unrelated novels, all jammed together in one short book (this feat largely being accomplished by taking out all the motivation and most of the transition between plot points).

Aside from that stuff, what I don't like about this book is that the main character (so far) is female, and the (apparently male) author has decided that it will make her a more realistic female character if she thinks about having a baby, and when would be the right time to have a baby, and why she and her partner haven't had a baby, and so on, about once every three pages.

Now, as you might be aware if you know me, or even if you read my journal regularly, I gave up trying to be female when I realized that a) it was sort of a crap game, and b) I was never going to be any good at it anyway. So I'm willing to believe that it's possible that women really do constantly think about having babies, and that's normal for the population. Therefore, I'm seeking further data. If you're a female-type person with female-type biology (or you used to be and/or used to have same), please enlighten me by making the clicky on the poll, below.

[Poll #1095206]

Comments

[druidevo.livejournal.com]

I clicked the last one just so I could see what the results are, or rather will be since I'm the second to take the poll.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

You know you can click "Submit poll" without checking anything, right?

Also, this'd be a fun poll to do for male-type creatures, too. I bet the answers among FNS's social circle would be largely undifferentiated by gender.

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

Same here.

[duriyah.livejournal.com]

If people didn’t keep asking me if I was planning to have children the thought would never cross my mind. Ever. I'm just not wired for kids.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

I thought about it more while I was actually having babies. Not so much anymore. I think sometimes about whether I should have had another child, though. Thing is, the system is shutting down now. It's just not my time for that anymore. I admit to being a little wistful about that. I'm not sure whether it's the actual babies or the evidence of aging.

Shoulda made that left turn at Albuquerque...

[lexpendragon.livejournal.com]

Without ovaries, it's still a very regular thought for me. Especially when I've noticed that those with sense enough to pause to think if they 'should' breed are greatly outnumbered by people who aren't bright enough to realize they did breed. I wish more people who would make good families (like you and yours) decided to do so, so the grandkids I hope to have one day aren't surrounded and outnumbered only by the grandkids of those who did breed.

Re: Shoulda made that left turn at Albuquerque...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

See, in theory, I'm all for that. Clever, reasonable people should have babies, and ignorant, fanatical people shouldn't. Where it breaks down is that I can't in any way, shape or form, hack the idea of having a baby at all. I mean, if I were pregnant and unable to terminate the pregnancy, I'd shoot myself in the head. I would want to live through cancer, AIDS, nuclear holocaust, zombie apocalypse, whatever, but if I had to have a baby, I would shoot myself in the head. I don't even own a gun. This probably lets me out of the clever and reasonable camp, though, which means I'm not obligated.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Thank you for vetting this for me. His other stuff looks equally weird/incoherent, so I believe I'll be taking a pass....

Aha. He also writes Warhammer 40K novels (which is not a black mark in and of itself, but does sort of illustrate a degree of variability in his quality, I'm thinking). Also, I'm thinking of discarding the Prix Apollo as a standard of quality. Fuckin' French.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I mean, it's pretty obvious from the frontispiece that it's not going to be great literature, but this is bad even for a book about Nazis.

[lightonthesill.livejournal.com]

I chose at least once a month... and keep in mind I know we don't intend to have any more children biologically.

I have 6 friends who are pregnant...basically, if I think of them... the thought runs through my head too about having another one...even though there is no intended follow through.

Go figure.

[project-becky.livejournal.com]

I have ovaries, but they are closed for business. Picture my ovaries as a dilapitdated building in a down at the heels ghetto 'hood where no innocent sperm or eggs would ever meet for a tryst.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

That's a really disturbing image, actually. Brings a whole new level to the "running a sewer through a playground" analogy...

[ysathora.livejournal.com]

This is a loaded question for me, because it is most definitely NOT the right time. Nor do I have any inkling of when the right time would be. That doesn't mean that the idea doesn't appeal to me on some level. I just happen to know better :)

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

But how often does that thought process happen? There's no requirement in the question for you to even make a decision about whether or not the time is now, just that the question is asked in your brain.

[rowangolightly.livejournal.com]

I clicked the last one even though I'm not a male-type person. But with only one working ovary, being menopausal and not so good at directions, I still thought it was my best answer.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

That's reasonable :)

[otterkin.livejournal.com]

Why limit this to people with ovaries? Guys should think about this, too.

For a while, I went through the "do I want to have kids/should I have kids/will I regret not having kids" thing for months on end. I'd come to a conclusion, then second-guess myself. Part of my "final answer" was that if the best I can come up with is ambivalence and concern that I might regret it one day, that's a "NO." So I checked the "every couple months" box, even though it seems your intent was to ask how often I wonder if now's the time to start, as opposed to how often I ask myself the question "should I have kids, yes or no?"

Some friends have a theory: people have a "baby switch." The switch gets flipped for different people at different times, and for many, the switch never gets flipped. Once the switch is flipped, you really, really, really want kids. People whose switches aren't flipped shouldn't have kids. Period.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

The question is only posed to people with ovaries because I'm trying to assess whether the sort of behaviour the particular character is engaging in is the sort of thing that actually happens in the brains of people with a lot of estrogen, or if the author is just assuming that logically all women must constantly think about having kids, because he's heard that women are maternal or something.

It is, of course, a reasonable question for anyone to consider, regardless of sex or gender. For me, personally, if there is a baby switch, it's superglued in the off position. :)

[zylch.livejournal.com]

To be fair, the thought process goes something like this:

"Maybe someday I should... WTF? Hell no, that'd be the dumbest thing ever, where did that thought even come from? ::check date:: Oh, right. Hormones."

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

See, that doesn't happen to me, which is why I wanted to ask the question.

[otterkin.livejournal.com]

So it seems like the majority of women I know are NOT choosing to have kids. I know I pick my friends because of common interests (and disinterests), but does it seem to anyone else that more and more people are going the non-kid route? Sometimes I wonder if the "biological desire to have children" is a) bunk or b) being overcome by the "biological desire to not bring any more humans onto the earth so maybe just maybe we won't gnaw it down to a rocky stump."

[hekatatia.livejournal.com]

I ticked once or twice a year because it's the closest for me. It's more like once every couple of years.

[chayam.livejournal.com]

This may sound horrible in more than one way, but although I have four children I have almost never thought about whether it's the right time to have a baby. Strangely, I've never been a kid-crazy kind of gal-- I still don't like children all that much--and if I hadn't have accidentally gotten pregnant with my first I probably never would have known how awesome having children is. (My kids are the greatest things on the planet; every other child, not so much. :-P )

That said, my husband and I have spoken of having another, so for the first real time in my life I give thought to when would be a good time to do so, if we do.

Craving babies and pregnancy is a little difficult for me to understand.

[otterkin.livejournal.com]

...I probably never would have known how awesome having children is.

That, in a nutshell, is my one lingering worry about deciding not to have kids. On the other hand, I've experienced much more misery in my life by doing things that I feel I should (but don't want to) than from regret of not having done something.

[loraca.livejournal.com]

I never really planned to have kids, it was never a priority for me. I have an endocrine disorder and was told at age 16 I would never be able to have kids, so I decided that I would not worry about it and would just enjoy my life as it was.

Then, I unexpectedly became pregnant. Yes, I was on the pill at the time. Yes, I was supposedly not fertile. Yes, I freaked right the fuck out. I had just been fired from my job and had no health insurance when I found out.

Well, long story short, even though I never really even liked kids and didn't really want any, my son is probably the best thing that has ever happened to me. Do I want more? Not really. I don't think I could emotionally handle any more kids, and financially I KNOW I cannot handle any more. I have never in my life wondered if it was the right time to have a kid, or to have another kid. I just go with it.

I do totally respect people who don't want kids and I think it is awesome that you are not letting yourself be bullied into it.

What I can't fathom are the people who have more kids than they can reasonably take care of.

This is a bit more loaded of a question for me.

[matchgirl42.livejournal.com]

I checked once or twice a year because that's how often I think of it. Either because the impetus is there (from hormones or whatever), or I've once again heard from my parents that I am the only child they are pinning their hopes of grandchildren on, even though they don't want to know that I've had sex and, in fact, tell me I shouldn't. *Oy*.

[opaljax.livejournal.com]

I'm done having kids. I love mine, but so very done. While I was willing to have kids, I still didn't think about it all that much. My kids are both fantastic accidents.

[vediskoerner.livejournal.com]

Yeah.

My Husband and I want to have kids. But I hit menopause at the age of 20, so having my own baby is out.

I also think people have to many children, and the WRONG people tend to have a LOT of children.

Me, I just want one, maybe two. We are planning on starting the adoption process next year, but yeah, I will admit I am afraid. I am afraid that I won't be a good parent. I want to raise my children right and to this day, I haven't found two folks who agree on what 'right' is.

[starrthinks.livejournal.com]

Love is priority number 1, the rest is just modeling (and teaching) them to be grown ups.

There are great books too (and no, I normally don't promote parenting books but these actually are good). The one I remember the title of is Too Spank or Not to spank by John Rosemond. The other is ... How to behave so your preschooler will too, I don't remember who it's by.

Best of luck with the adoption process!

[cynthiaweb.livejournal.com]

I take issue with a lot of what is expected of females, but to me being female is a way better deal than being male. I just don't accept the expectations that I don't like. #1 Shoes. Shoes must be feasible for walking, not a feat to walk in. #2 Leg shaving. Really, you must be kidding. #3 Housekeeping. I am quite sure that housekeeping does not require a vagina. I'll split the work, but if you think my house looks like crap you'd better not just look at me with that look of disapproval. #4 Childbearing. This is definitely a bad deal. Just say no. This experience should be limited to women who really are totally into it. When I was younger I really felt I was fighting a battle with my body, which was trying to trick me into getting pregnant. Really, women, beware the hormones!

[mullein.livejournal.com]

I wanted to clarify my response. I ticked off the bitches one. But with good reason. I had my daughter after careful consideration to my situation. I was a home owner who had no debt and a good paying job with full benefits. I opted to have a baby. Just one.

I was told that about a year after my daughter was born I would soon feel the urge for more. It didn't happen. I didn't think about having any more until I reached thirty.

I do want more. I view life as a mysterious opportunity filled with amazing joy and terrifying fear. I am glad for the experience and I will give it again if the Gods decide I am capable.

NOW, I as a woman have never obsessed about the event of having children except during my one pregnancy. (You kind of have a constant reminder sitting under your boobs) But I had an aunt who was that type. She obsessed about having a baby, but she was infertile. I wonder if the obsession comes from the lack of control over your own body in the event you want a baby and can't have one.

[starrthinks.livejournal.com]

I am guessing that infertility would cause one to think more often about the desired baby. I know I always think (pretty obsessively) about the desires I can't seem to fulfill. Perhaps it's human nature.

What scares me is the people who seem to turn out a kid every 10 months but seem to never think about it.... I know some folks like that.

[starrthinks.livejournal.com]

When I first settled with my partner I thought about it every few months. Then, thinking one of us must be infertile, we set it aside and never thought of it again until the little strip told me I was pregnant.

Afterwards, said partner had a vasectomy (we both agreed) and we don't really want more kids (obviously). I use to say if I got to a point in my life where I had more money, I would adopt. Now, I'm not so sure. I want to travel and since my little one will turn 18 the year I turn 40, this is very doable. So nah, I don't think of it anymore.

probably tmi...

[dramaticaddict.livejournal.com]

hey, i know im a guy, and dont have ovaries, and havnt, and im not transgender, so i dont want them, i mean, i like my penis, and i like my boyfriends penis too... i guess where im going is, everyone says im as close to a girl as possible, without being one, even toi the point that i get cold in the same places as a girl and blah blah blah, just ask sometime..
so anyway, i took the quiz, because i think about wanting kids at least once a month, usually twice, which sux because a) im gay, b) im sterile, c) im too poor for alternatives and d) J doesnt want any. but still, i totally think about it... strangely, i sometimes think about being pregnant, even tho, as stated above, i have and love my penis.

Re: probably tmi...

[dramaticaddict.livejournal.com]

o, i forgot, when im in these moods, wanting a kid and thinking about being pregnant, i often rub my belly like i am pregnant...without realizing it...

[feckalyn.livejournal.com]

I had my tubes tied at 31 but I still occasionally think about it. I chalk it up to societal pressure and hormones.