Keepin' 'em guessing, and the inevitable question of etiquette

[featherynscale]

Conversation of the day at the office:

EVIL VP (to Friendly Sales Guy): I'll just have [Shortened form of my name] take care of that for you.
EVIL VP shuts his door.
FSG (to me): You know, I think, until you tell me otherwise, I think I'll stick with [Full version of my name, which I, of course, prefer].
ME: I appreciate that. I really prefer [Full version]. At least, until I have my operations. Then, I'll thank you to call me Mike.
FSG stares.
ME: Or, you know, until I change my last name to something with more than one syllable. Then you can call me [Short Form]. Or Mike. Either one.
FSG stares.
ME: I just need to decide on the new last name. I've been thinking about Von Doom. But I think that's taken already.
And then, more staring. It must be Monday, because the sense of humor has gone steadily downhill since about 1:00.

Anyway, I also need an etiquette check, if you all would be so kind. I've been thinking about what to do for my birthday party, which is coming up here. Masked orgies were suggested, but I really think that's impractical until we finish remodeling the basement. Last year, I had a Boys in Eyeliner party, but that's sort of discriminatory, which is not cool. I still want boys in eyeliner though, I just want everybody to have a chance to dress up. So I was thinking about having some sort of gender-bending costume party, and ask everyone to come as some gender orientation other than the one they usually project. Could be drag, could be androgyne, could be just a different take on things, girls who are normally butch coming in frilly prom dresses, that sort of thing. I think this would be fun. However, I am aware that most people in the world probably don't think of gender as something you play with (either because That Sort Of Thing Is Unnatural or because Gender Struggles Are Serious Business And Don't You Dare Mock My Pain). So, do you think this would be offensive?

Comments

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

I'm highly offended. I'll have to come naked.

Good call.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Sure. Venue has yet to be decided. I imagine that if a sizeable portion of people want to come naked, we could have the party at the house... that does get back into the basement problem though.

I'm wit-challenged today.

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

But I think you've pretty thoroughly weeded out the folks in your social circles who can't swing with that sort of thing (pun unintentional, but tres stylish, non?)

And your party last year wasn't at all discriminatory. After all, I could have arrived dressed as a boy in eyeliner, right? My only preference for this year's party is a sincere desire for it to be scheduled on a Friday evening, when we're more likely to be able to get a babysitter and have both of us attend. Barring that, I promise we'll gender-bend for your birthday pleasure at some other agreeable time.

Friday

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Um... I think we could probably do it on Friday. I mean, how often do you have the chance to get you and your lovely husband to a party at the same time?
I think that is Games Night, though...

And I always think that people will be cool with things, but it frequently turns out that somebody isn't, for whatever reason, and then it's bad. Or, that everybody at the event is cool with the event, but we get notes from concerned Catholics who think we're mocking the priesthood and stuff. I'm not making fun of anybody's gender choices or dress styles, or anything. I just think it's fun to have people do things they don't normally do and shift the paradigms a little bit.

[beccak1961.livejournal.com]

There are friends I have that would think it very cool, and those who wouldn't think it was cool at all. I think the offensiveness (sp?) scale really depends on who you're asking and how well you know them. I'd totally stick on a fake beard, stick a sock in my pants, and have a great time... but it really depends on who you want to invite.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Go study your math.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Good times. Since I don't know you all that well yet, I really appreciate your opinion -- when you hang out with the same crowd all the time, you get to know their expectations and issues, but you can start to forget that there might be norms other than yours, you know?

I'll post more specific detail as I think of it...

[starwyse.livejournal.com]

Personally...I think it would be grand and glorious!

Hopefully you do not have friends who would really be offended...you don't do you?

I mean, I'd bend for you in a heartbeat!!

So, when's this amazing shin-dig? I think I'm booked until September...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Ummm... will be either the 19th or the 20th of August. The actual official birthday is the 20th.

Like I said to saffronhare, I always think people will be okay with things, but this theory continues to be incorrect occasionally, so I thought it would be worth asking.

[malvito.livejournal.com]

I'm not offended by anything.

Well, OK, I am offended by the fact that right-wing radio personalities are not tortured and dismembered with their heads displayed on pikes in a public forum, but, other than that ...

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

Oh, so there's going to be entertainment at the party, too?

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Yes you are, too. I've seen it.
As for heads on spikes, we're not technically in the area covered by the Homeowners' Association, so I suppose the only thing stopping us there would be South Patrol... Um.

[greektoomey.livejournal.com]

I don't have any problems with gender-bending, or orientation-bending, except for the part where I'm not any good at it.

[fionnabhar.livejournal.com]

And the part where your commute is hell.

[triadruid.livejournal.com]

Saff said it better than I could, as usual. You've self-selected a group of invitees that probably wouldn't find it offensive; but if you want to have it in a public place, that changes the equation.

What do you want to DO in said birthday party? Besides have a parade of people pass by in paradoxical pinafores and pulchritudinous plaid pants? Otherwise, it's just a visual spectacle for one...which is okay, if that's what you're going for.

Doing?

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

Either we could go out (perhaps to Missy B's), or we could do something like the new years' party, in which there are thematically appropriate flicks downstairs and party games upstairs... Or some third thing. I hadn't gotten that far yet.

[duriyah.livejournal.com]

Masked orgies were suggested, but I really think that's impractical until we finish remodeling the basement.

This cracks me up!

I'm all for any sort of gender-bending. Unfortunately I live too far away to attend.

too far

[rfunk.livejournal.com]

Maybe we should have an Ohio branch of the party.

Wish I could be there...

[wildnsquirrelly.livejournal.com]

But why don't I send you some photos of me in drag and/or eye liner instead?

Re: Wish I could be there...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I would be delighted to receive photos of you in drag and/or in eyeliner. Really, any time you want to send me fetish photos of yourself, I'm cool with that. As long as the fetish involved is not, say, watersports or that sort of thing.

[kcwitch.livejournal.com]

i wouldn't be offended but i probably won't be able to go because things just tends to work out that way.

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I've noticed that, but am willing to invite you anyway :)

Re: Guessing...

[wolfieboy.livejournal.com]

I'd really love to have a better travel budget. I used to do that more but that was before I owned a house...

The genderbending sounds like fun. Cindy and I went to a "Cross-dress as your favorite God or Goddess" party once...

Lastly, it is good to have a name that not easily shortenable...

Re: Guessing...

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

You're very clever... we may steal your theme, just to make it that much more complex.
One day, we will drag out to the coast. And then we will come visit you :)
I hear you have excellent game parties.

at the risk of you not actually seeing this

[saffronhare.livejournal.com]

Related to triadruid's comment, I would agree there's a significant difference between public and private events.

Also, there's a difference between things not being okay, and people who aren't okay with things. Cause and effect variances, you know.

Re: at the risk of you not actually seeing this

[featherynscale.livejournal.com]

I have comments emailed to me -- you can always back-comment and I will see it (barring LJ fuckups, of course).

I understand the difference between those things. I was initially envisioning the party as a public event, or at least having a public component. It may do better as a house party.

Also, yes, there is a difference between things not being okay and people not being okay with things, but I find that people who are not okay with things have a way of converting things from okay to not-okay, at least in the manifestation of the thing (which is to say that somebody's issues aren't going to corrupt my basic views on gender, but they can certainly make the party go awry).